Lewiston to vote on hoverboards

Come on. Tell me this doesn’t sound like a headline Michael J. Fox might have encountered in one of the “Back to the Future” sequels. It’s such a tantalizingly futuristic sounding thing that it borders on cheesy, yet there it is, a real-world situation that needs to be addressed. This fast catapult into the future is freaking me out. Give it time and we’ll see even more thought-provoking headlines, such as “Time travel banned in Kennedy Park” or “Man teleports into Lewiston canal, drowns.” Of course, you’ll be reading those headlines telepathically, but you better not do so while driving, little mister.

Bad news on the doorstep

David Bowie is dead. Glenn Frey is dead. Don McLean isn’t dead, but there are so many “American Pie”-based jokes going around about his recent arrest, he probably wishes he was.

While we’re on the subject

Is it “Lennon read a book on Marx” or “Lenin read a book on Marx?” Also, “Whiskey IN rye” or “whiskey AND rye?”

Slip slidin’ away

Driving up or down Walnut Street in Lewiston continues to be a chore during winter. An idea for city leaders to mull: Why not close the street altogether between November and May, hose it down and turn it into an ice rink? Walnut Street is pretty entertaining already. Put everybody on ice skates and, whoo boy! Pop some corn, Mutha, and let’s watch the show. Makes about as much sense as those bike lanes, anyway.

To sir, with coffee

A young clerk at Dunkin’ Donuts addressed me as sir four times the other day during a simple cash-for-coffee transaction. That kind of respect always makes me uneasy. Am I supposed to salute? Put the young clerk over my knee? Scold her for making poor life decisions? I tried that once. I’m no longer allowed in that particular store.

What do you want from me?

I also encountered a fellow at a Lewiston grocery store who talked to me about mostly trivial things, but who added an air of intrigue by ending every sentence with “eh?” Every time he offered the curious expression, he also lifted one eyebrow, which only made me more fascinated by his otherwise bland commentary. “Some weather we’re having, eh? Sounds like we’ll be getting more snow, eh? Eh?” I’d make this a part of my own personal style if only I had the ability to lift an eyebrow.

Hoverboards revisited

I’m still kind of marveling over the idea that hoverboards are now a part of our daily lives. Apparently the Lewiston council has voted to ban them in city buildings. Pity. They should have shelved the matter so that the morning’s headlines could have read: “Hoverboards up in the air in Lewiston.” Eh? Eh??

Color my world

Do you like to color in old-school coloring books? Has it become your private addiction? Your therapy? Your escape? We’d like to hear all about your indulgence, and we don’t really care if you color beyond the lines. Send your colorful stories to Mark LaFlamme at [email protected] Also, the Lewiston Public Library is hosting a coloring event this Wednesday. Visit lplonline.org/events/color-the-night-away-2 for more info.

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