A tree grows in Lisbon

A nice woman from Hebron called me to inquire about the tree that sits atop the now doomed Worumbo mill. Why is she calling me about the tree, you ask? Don’t know. Apparently my new superhero name is Worumbo Man. Which I’m fine with, by the way. The point is that this lady operates an orchard in Hebron and is willing to pay cash money for the Worumbo tree, which may have magical properties. I tell you, everything about Worumbo is mystical in one way or another. It’s an enchanted place, suitable to serve as headquarters for the area’s newest superhero. Until they, you know. Rip it down, at which point I’ll probably just hang out at Dairy Maid.

Lewiston hockey players disciplined . . .

for drinking, smoking and for what the old folks call “carrying on.” Geesh, is that any way for hockey players to behave? Why, when I was a Purple Panther, it was ginger ale and cookies after every game, and then straight to our homework and chores. Those were different times. Wholesome times. Which is probably why we never won a single game.

Where’s the fire?

An Auburn fire engine apparently rolled away after it was parked at a business along Center Street. I think it’s obvious what’s going on here. The truck has been taken over by a benevolent entity from the spirit world who knows where the next emergency will occur. This ghost rider will be putting out fires before they can start, cleaning up after car wrecks that have not yet occurred and rescuing cats from trees before they even climb up there. It’s all very proactive and coming soon to the Chill Channel.

Double your pleasure

Gov. Paul LePage wants to double the salary of the governor’s position. What I think they should do is take the base salary and divide it by the number of times the governor in question becomes a late-night talk-show joke and adjust accordingly. Some governors – and I’m not singling anybody out here – would end up paying us.

In like a lion

March has been a real disappointment. Forget that “in like a lion, out like a lamb” business. This March came all warm and playful, like a kitten, and then turned cold and ugly like a . . . I don’t know. Rabid penguin. In like a kitten, out like a rabid penguin, that’s what this March has been about.

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