It happened over there

On Wednesday, we reported about an attempted break-in at a home on Moreau Avenue in Lewiston. In a photo taken at the scene, one cop can be seen pointing while a second cop stares off into the distance. Have you ever noticed that in 95 percent of police photos, one cop is pointing while another gazes off? I think they learn that technique in the academy. In the remaining 5 percent of photos, a cop is screaming at me to get back on the other side of the crime scene tape. Those are the best.

Hut, hut

On Saturday, for the first time in my clearly empty life, I beheld the joy and majesty that is the running of the doughnuts at Krispy Kreme. It was a life-changing marvel! An army of plain doughnuts, marching on that conveyor so orderly and obedient, gracefully accepting the spray of cream on their way to the battlefield of the warming lamps. I was moved. Moved to eat roughly a half-dozen of those bold soldiers, in fact. It was my way of honoring them, or something.

Krispy Kreme

That was in Saco, by the way. The lines at the Auburn shop are still too flippin’ long.

Bonnie Washuk’s dawg

If you enjoy a good singing dog video – and let’s face it. Only lechers and communists don’t enjoy a good singing dog video – you have GOT to check out staff writer Bonnie’s video, in which her hound Zoe sings a rendition of . . . But I don’t want to spoil it for you. Seriously, watch it. You’ll thank me later. If I have any luck with her agent, these columns in the future will be sung by Zoe herself. That oughta spice things up around here.

Time is stupid

It’s still January. I’m convinced that January 2018 has lasted six months so far. Something about the bending of time-space or something; it’s all very scientific. Every day when I wake up to discover that it’s STILL January, I curse physics and go about sobbing hot tears onto my calendar. It’s a pretty sad day, my friends, when your greatest hope is that February will arrive soon.

Government shutdown

You ever notice how that never applies to the mouths of politicians?

Earthquake!

It happened in Harrison on Wednesday. A week earlier, it happened in Richmond. What do those two towns have in common? I don’t believe I’ve been to either of them. There’s no way this is a coincidence.

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