War in the streets

Last Thursday, several people alerted me to a planned citywide snowball fight scheduled to start at 10 p.m. at Bartlett and Walnut streets in Lewiston. Seriously, a snowball fight. Starting at 10 p.m. In downtown Lewiston. I scoffed at this idea. Sneered at it. Rolled my eyeballs all the way around in their sockets (it hurt a little) at this absurd notion. A snowball fight in that part of the downtown, I reckoned, would quickly turn into a medieval-style brawl with shanks and shivs and baseball bats with those spiky things sticking out of them. Which, of course, I wouldn’t want to miss, so at the allotted time, I headed down to Walnut and Bartlett and beheld first a handful, then a dozen, then perhaps 30 young adults hurling snow at one another across three city blocks. I sat and watched agog for a half-hour and didn’t see a single knifing, knee to the groin or even a simple eye gouge. I tell you, back in the ’90s, even something as harmless as a snow fight would have transformed itself into a bloody massacre involving jagged wounds, missing body parts and some seriously hurt feelings. These kids coming up nowadays, I just don’t know.

Blue Devils hockey

So, I somewhat hate myself for not going to the Lewiston High championship hockey game Saturday night. I love the game, after all, and I’m always complaining how this doesn’t feel like a hockey town anymore. Suddenly we’re in the the big game again and where am I? Never you mind where I was, but I wasn’t at the Colisee watching the game. When it came down to the final minutes of drama, I had to wait for text message updates from a sports editor and from my 14-year-old niece. Both of whom made me wait long excruciating minutes, by the way, before giving me the final score. Once the score was revealed, I felt powerful feelings of pride and then I went back to my business on Pine Street. Which is none of your business, so quit bugging me about it.

National Punch a Snowman Day

Don’t wait for social media to tell you this is a real thing, get out there and punch a snowman. Any snowman! The first snowman you see, you go out there and blast it in the kisser. I did it and it felt great!

I’m king of the world!

So, my 20-year stand is over. Last weekend, under some duress, I watched “Titanic” for the first time. The first half of the approximately nine-hour movie was exactly what I’d expected it to be. The second half, I actually enjoyed. I tell you, I was shocked by the ending, though. Shocked! I can’t believe that ship sank.

Alexa knows

So, Amazon’s voice-assisted smart-home device has been giggling maniacally in households across the land. When you think about it, why WOULDN’T Alexa have a laugh? She convinced millions of people to place listening devices right in the middle of their living rooms and to actually pay for the luxury of doing it. That’s pretty darn funny right there.