A meteorological Tilt-A-Whirl

Why is it raining so much lately? Oh. Right. Smokey’s Greater Shows has come to Auburn. I’m pretty sure smart farmers plan their gardens around this carnival. Whenever it appears, you can count on a week straight of rain.

Yule think I’m crazy

So, I was called out by a Hannaford clerk the other day for humming a Christmas song in the checkout line while it was sunny and 85 degrees outside. Apparently its the holiday season right now for the voices in my head.

If I had a million dollars

After that big emu made its bid for freedom in Lisbon Falls last week, I found myself humming the Bare Naked Ladies the rest of the day. Do you get the reference? No? That’s on you, man.

I’m going in!

It’s kind of sad how wickedly excited I got when Hannaford in Lewiston re-opened its second entrance last week after a period of construction. When a supermarket door impacts your life that much, my friend, you ain’t living large enough. I gotta make some changes.


So, IHOP is changing its name to IHOB? Well, that’s a bold move. Did you hire a marketing firm to come up with that? Maybe they should keep the edgy trend alive by serving pancakes that aren’t round but kind of ovate. Or maybe slice the toast lengthwise instead of diagonally. You breakfast rebels!

I’m sorry

That was a little harsh. In my defense, I didn’t get breakfast this morning.

Free bird

A guy who allegedly robbed a Lisbon Street bank on Wednesday used a bicycle to make his getaway and he STILL couldn’t remain free half as long as the Lisbon Falls emu. There’s probably a lesson in that somewhere. Or a dirty limerick.

No parking in the red zone

This week in the Lewiston parking garages you had three kids with BB guns being chased by police (they were caught in about two minutes, emu time) and a guy reported to be napping with hypodermic needles scattered around him. I tell you, there’s so much action in those garages, I might as well roll my desk into an empty parking spot.

Brewery and poutine coming to Auburn

It will be great fun watching a bunch of drunk people trying to pronounce “poutine” the proper French way. Maybe I’ll set my desk up there, instead.

Three arrested in Chinese food mugging

You know the jig is up when your fortune cookie lists the Miranda warnings.

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