Time marches on and April 1 has once again returned. So has the annual flood of (mostly questionable) brand pranks, hoaxes, and jokes that compete for attention and corporate good will.

One company, however, has announced that enough is enough and that it’s not going to jump into the feeding frenzy: Microsoft marketing chief Chris Capossela sent out a note to employees last week announcing that the company had decided against doing any public-facing stunts, because “data tells us these stunts have limited positive impact and can actually result in unwanted news cycles.”

Here’s a list of corporate April Fool’s Day pranks:

• Google maps has a history of introducing a feature or game for April Fools. This year? Snake.

• Google Assistant is spitting out random April Fools pranks from history if you ask about the “holiday.”

• Google hasn’t figured out how to let its Google Home devices talk to tulips.

Advertisement

• DJ Khaled isn’t TikTok’s new Chief Motivational Officer.

• Duolingo isn’t going to send a creepy, human-sized version of its mascot to your home to remind you to practice learning a new language.

• Shutterstock isn’t opening a brick-and-mortar library for stock images.

• Roku isn’t introducing a remote for dogs.

• Glasses USA isn’t teaming up with the makers of the Swiss Army Knife to make a multitool that is also a pair of glasses.

• Halo Top isn’t launching an edible ice cream face mask.

Advertisement

• Club Pilates hasn’t created a balm that lets you skip Pilates and just get good muscles by rubbing it into your skin. They did make a balm though, and mailed it to me. It smells really strong and has CBD in it??

• The new Honda Passport isn’t the “Honda Pastport,” a car completely decked out in 90′s-era technology and decor.

• FreshDirect isn’t selling cauliflower milk called … caulk.

• YouPorn isn’t launching an “anti distraction” app with a NSFW purpose.

• RetailMeNot isn’t starting Dealchella, a festival for hard core coupon fans.

• Sodastream isn’t launching a product to catch burps and turn it into seltzer.

Advertisement

• Burger King is doing something with the “Impossible Whopper” that’s kinda fake, kinda real.

• Virgin Voyages isn’t introducing private jet transfers for their cruise ships (there’s also a possibility I’m too poor to understand what the joke was in the news release I got about this, please send help).

• Hallmark isn’t launching a wholesome dating app.

• Fatburger isn’t rebranding as “skinnyburger.”

• Popchips isn’t launching a single-serving chip that’s wrapped like a certain kind of contraceptive.

• Headphones that use two Cup Noodles cups for the ear pieces? No.


Only subscribers are eligible to post comments. Please subscribe or login first for digital access. Here’s why.

Use the form below to reset your password. When you've submitted your account email, we will send an email with a reset code.