Get out of my head, Edward Gorey
So, I’ve been having a whole lot of trouble sleeping lately. I ALMOST get there, but then unsettling thoughts come plowing into my head like a freight train out of hell and I’m wide awake again. The other night, in that gray place between awake and asleep, my brain insisted on stringing together this weird little piece of poetry. I have no idea what it means. Maybe it’s a warning. If I were you, I’d stay away from old school houses in New Auburn for a while.
It was a night of rain and wind and sleet
when the monster came to Newbury Street.
It threw its arms from the schoolhouse steeple
And dragged away a hundred people.

Victor News
Sure going to miss that place. I’m a little bit mad at them, though. Victor News is the only place I’ve ever bought lottery tickets and I’m absolutely SURE I was bound to win the big one next week. They’ve cost me millions! Not to mention the fact that I have no idea where I’ll go when I suddenly need tongue depressors, Silly String, a Barrel of Monkeys, Pick-up Sticks, a giant belt buckle with built-in pencil holder or one of those little gadgets that makes a “mooo!” sound when you turn it over. I mean, that’s my entire Christmas shopping list right there!

Going around in circles
Gosh, I hate to bring up this unpleasantness just before the holidays. But isn’t it time that we address the great Cookies vs. Donuts debate once and for all? It’s tearing us apart! The other day somebody posted a photo of some dork spinning his car in circles in a snow-covered parking lot. Great fun! We all hanker to do that now and then. But then half the people who weighed in described it as a young man doing cookies and the other half insisted it was donuts he was doing and that’s when the fighting started. By the time it was over, marriages were in shambles, brothers stopped talking to sisters and you could hardly go into the office without stumbling into a debate about it. When it comes to differences of opinions, the impeachment hearings got nothing on donuts vs. cookies.

By the way
Kmart will be closed soon. Boy, that’s one big parking lot that will soon be empty. I’m just saying, it might be fun to drive there some snowy night and . . . well, I don’t have to tell you. Do donuts (or cookies) long enough and the cops will show up and you’ll have yourself a Blue Light Special for real, yo.

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