Where DID that decade go?
I just wrote a date with 2020 for the first time. Felt kind of cool. Tingled a little bit and in all the right places. It’s going to be a good year.

The kid ain’t mine, I tells you
So, on New Year’s Day, my responsibilities included checking in with the local hospitals to find out about New Year babies. Fun stuff, mostly. I even get to visit some of the newborns as I interview their mommas, all professional like. I’ve got a weird little phobia about visiting birthing units, though. I’m always afraid that some horrible case of mistaken identity will lead to a scene where a red-faced and sweaty young mother will point at me in a rage from her hospital bed. “That’s him!” she’ll scream. “That’s the father right there. Sign the certificate, you son of a . . .” I probably watch too many Lifetime movies, when you get right down to it.

The year of the WHAT?
I just wrote “2020” again. I wasn’t writing out a check or anything, I just like that tingle.

That picture again
The Sun Journal, in it’s infinite wisdom, decided to run the downtown Lewiston kissing photo again. You know the one. She’s handcuffed and awaiting a ride to jail. He’s kissing her goodbye while a group of cops look on rather uncomfortably. It’s very romantic and crap. But the Sun Journal (in it’s infinite wisdom) didn’t say anything more about what became of that couple in the months since the photo was taken. Fortunately, you have me and I’ll tell you the facts as I assume them. While in the lockup, she went on to design more comfortably fitting handcuffs and police departments around the world adopted the design. Ka-ching! Immediately after the photo was taken, he committed himself to inventing a better beard trimmer, and ultimately got a patent that was then snatched up for billions by the good people of Gillette. Ka-ching, ka-ching! Rich beyond their wildest dreams, the couple has commissioned a 30-foot-tall statue commemorating their famous kiss to be erected at the corner of Pierce and Walnut streets. I expect that they’ll parachute onto the site from their Lear jet the day the statue is unveiled. So we all have that to look forward to.

2020, 2020
It’s January. All the big holidays are behind us. There is to be no more hooplah for many months, unless you count Valentine’s Day. Which I don’t. Nothing to do now but stare out the window and wait for spring. Me, I’m going to find a comfortable chair and just sit and write “2020” over and over. I tell you, it’s DELIGHTFUL!


Only subscribers are eligible to post comments. Please subscribe or to participate in the conversation. Here’s why.

Use the form below to reset your password. When you've submitted your account email, we will send an email with a reset code.