If we have all the toys we want in life, we should feel fulfilled. With Christmas creeping up soon and Covid beating the hell out of us, our mailman’s mail sack has been loaded with so many new catalogs, many we have never heard of, but interesting to look at, and good throne reading! Catalogs have taken a rebirth this year, as we should be shopping from the chair rather than being exposed in stores.
My fingers have been walking through catalogs of kitchen gadgets, fruits of the month, medical necessities, flower bulbs, winter clothes, wine of the month, coffee beans, cheese and nuts, king sized clothing for men (they are good looking,) 6 ft. plus models! just sayin’.
How about getting on board a cruise ship now, and have it handed to you on a silver platter to really get exposed, they reduced their rates big time, and are all inclusive! I just picture myself hanging over the railings. What a selfie!
Technology has been changing constantly, but sometimes we have it too good. For convenience sake, we fill our houses and lives with gadgets and home appliances we certainly don’t need, the stuff that lands in the appliance graveyard.
Can you imagine what great-great-grandparents would think of all the ridiculous things modern people now depend on? Running water and cell phones are one thing. But try telling them that you can’t be without a fork that reminds you to eat slower (yeah, right!), or a concept that will count your eggs (no comment). Flipping through pages and pages of these catalogs entertaining myself, I was struck by some items that really made me laugh and shake my head so here’s a collection of ridiculous, silliest, zaniest, mind boggling useless home appliances and gadgets that has ever been invented.
1. Quesadilla Maker-Are you running a Mexican restaurant? If not, there is no reason to own this. If you’re making quesadilla in such staggering numbers that a skillet and spatula alone can’t do the job, you, my friend have a quesadilla problem! But you can buy now- Hamilton Beach.com-$35.00
2. Electric Martini Maker- When James Bond asked for his martinis to be shaken not stirred: he didn’t mention anything about the shaking being done by a machine, If you drink enough of these, and your arms are tired and are fascinated by machine stirred martinis-Buy now-Amazon.com-$100-275.00
3. Egg Counter-I have to chuckle at this. You’ve already got a device to warn you when you’re running low on eggs-it’s called your eyes. And it’s free! Or rest your eyes and buy one at harrietcarter.com-$10.00
4 Automated Floss Dispenser- I’ll tell you what, give me the $30.00 and I’ll pull out the floss for you. Buy at smilepronto.com-$26.00
5. Solid Gold Coffee Maker-Even daydreaming about owning this makes you morally suspect. Buy now at Walmart-$120.00, or not.
6. Baseball Bay Pepper Grinder-You know there’s another use for a baseball bat, right? If I throw a baseball at you, are you gonna try and pepper it? Get it from Amazon.com-$35.00
7. Smartphone Controlled cat/dog Water Fountain-The sales pitch for this product’s campaign promises to help you “keep tabs on your pet’s water-intake right on your smartphone.” Congratulations, you just described the routine of the least busy person on this planet. Buy now at Amazon.com-$27.00
8. S’more Maker-Thank goodness somebody finally said. “How can I make a S’more without the bonfire or social interactions or any sense of fun? I just want the chocolate and marshmallows without any of the human contact!” Give me s’less, please.-Buy @ Amazon.com-$12.00
9.Taste-Enhancing Forks-(crazy stuff!) If it looks like salad, it shouldn’t smell like chocolate cake. Why are you trying to aggravate your taste buds?” This products promises to release “different aromas that enhance the flavor of food.” No, it releases different aromas that trick your brain! Buy now @moleculargastronomy.com-$14.00
10. Mini Desk Vacuum-What kind of messes are you making at your desk that require a miniature (yet, adorable, admittedly) vacuum cleaner?-Buy now@shockingfun.com-$14.00
11. Mini Donut Factory-No,No. Just No! But can be bought @Walmart.com-$113.00
12. Bruno, the Smart Trash Can- Call me somewhat old fashioned, but I don’t think a trashcan should have a name. The car maybe? Isn’t that the first step to a robot revolution? Buy if you want a trashcan named Bruno at Brunosmartcan.com-$200.00
13. Monogrammed Barbecue Branding Iron-I don’t care how delicious your steaks are, I don’t think I’d be eating anything with your initials on it. A vanity plate for your food, Really? -Buy now at Amazon.com-$11.00-24.00
14. A Pork-folio-A piggy bank that helps you keep track of savings digitally and sets financial goals. Sounds good so far. Oh, but wait, it only accepts coins! If your financial goals only include things you find in the couch cushions, it might be time to aim a little higher, and for much better ways of socking away dough. Buy at Amazon.com-$25.00
15. Electric Wine Opener-If working a corkscrew is just too damn difficult, allows me to make a suggestion; You might have had enough wine. Time to go to sleep-Get at bedbathandbeyond.com-$18.00
16. A Mattress That Catches Cheaters in the Act-Yes, you read that right! You know you got a solid marriage when you’ve both agreed to sleep on a mattress with transmitters that detect movement so that nobody tries to bone the mailman.-Unknown-$160.00-310.00
17. A Fork That Tells You to Stop Eating So Fast- Yeah, like you’re gonna listen to a fork….Buy now @Amazon.com-$60.00
18. Wi-Fi Scent Dispenser- Your phone can do everything else. So why not give it the ability to make any room, in your house smell instantly like watermelon Jolly Rancher or sizzling bacon? Oh Yeah, that’s right, because it’s just freakin’ stupid. But you can buy it@aliexpress.com-$108.00.
19. Runny Nose Shower Gel Dispenser-(Can you just picture this?)-For a quick way to scare anyone away from your sink instead of washing their hands. Amazon.com-$11.00 (Looks like a giant plastic nose that drips soap through the giant nostrils)
20. The “Smart” Toilet-There is so much wrong going on here, Nobody should be controlling their toilet with a phone app-everything about a toilet is user friendly and pretty self-explanatory. You can get one though, at Costco.com-a cool $800.00.
21. Waffle Bowl Maker-It’s just not the bowl made of waffles that scares me. What are you putting in that bowl? Are you going to drink maple syrup like soup now? But you can get one at Amazon.com-$45.00
22. Treat-Tossing Dog-Watching Wi-Fi Cam-Nothing lets your dog know that he’s loved and missed quite like a robot that releases doggies-bag-shape treats. They say you can set it to fling across the room for interactive amusement. Get it doggie, get it…..Can be bought at Amazon.com-$179.00
As you can see I’ve scrolled through my catalogs and Amazon’s Friday, Prime and Warehouse deals and found these completely useless but funny items. Many, I’m sure are more conversation stuff.
Keep your notes and tidbits coming, Wear your mask, wash your hands and stay within your home space. Happy Fooding! Happy Gadgeting! If you have a gadget that you own and has rendered to be useless, let me know, I’ll share it with everyone. Scrappychef@yahoo.com
Be safe through Thanksgiving! Scrappy Chef.~And the last words~Age and glasses of wine should never be counted~Unknown.
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