St. Patrick’s Day
It may shock you to learn that I’ve never done much by way of celebrating St. Paddy’s Day, in spite of my sort of Irish heritage. I drank green beer once, but it turns out it had just been sitting on the coffee table for six weeks and had gone rancid. Boy, that was a fun night. Possibly. I really don’t remember.

Don’t forget to set your clocks back
Now the time change, THAT I’ll be celebrating. I’m going to need to replace one pompom this year and I’m expecting a new batch of glitter, but I have all the oven mitts I need and the foghorn is all fixed up and ready to go. Sadly, I’ll have to do the little dance indoors this year due to last year’s confusion over decency laws. My neighbors are such prudes.

Do you suppose . . .
That anyone has ever fallen for my little “set the clocks back” trick even once over the years? I’d like to think so. But anyway, don’t forget to set your clocks back this weekend.

Royally indifferent
I will now attempt to list each and everything I care about when it comes to Prince Harry and Meghan, Duchess of Sussex:

Giant batteries coming to Rumford
Yeah, I don’t care how gigantic those batteries are. What do you want to bet they’ll STILL cause your smoke alarm to make those annoying chirping sounds at 1 in the morning when you’re trying to watch “Homeland?”

Invasive zebra mussels found in Maine
Is THAT what I just ate? Wife told me they were tater tots. The good news is that I’ve been hallucinating for the past three hours. It’s a nice break in the day.

Maple syrup season starting right on time
Woot! Pay up, chump. I won this year’s pool. Now if the ice on Lake Auburn goes out April 17 at approximately 7:12 p.m., I’m really going to be rolling in it.

Feed the kitty
Still no Delectables Stew lickable treats in the stores OR on Amazon. My cats are probably going to leave me and then I’ll have to start talking to humans again. I gotta tell you, people. I’m not up for that.

I want to rock and roll all night
I need musicians, not for some big romantic gesture (gave those up when I got married), but to tell me about hard times getting gigs during the pandemic. What are you doing when there are no live shows to perform? How are you coping? What do you do for practice to keep your skills sharp? Hit me up at [email protected] Also, if you can teach me how to tap out consistent heel down doubles on the bass drum, that would be swell.

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