The sound of silence
Have you ever had the experience of watching a movie without the soundtrack playing in the background? It’s strange. Even the most brilliantly directed film loses something without background music teasing at your emotions. The action seems suddenly bland and colorless. Without the subtle spice of music playing off in the background, the movie just isn’t the same. And that’s how it is for me now that my fancy police scanner no longer picks up chatter from Auburn and Lewiston police. That chatter has been the soundtrack for my life over the past 27 years, you know. Without it, I feel like Rocky without his rousing theme music or Michael Meyers trying to slash away without John Carpenter’s brilliant piano. It’s weird, yo.

A tree falls in downtown Lewiston
Not to mention that without access to the constant play-by-play from the police dispatchers, I have far less to write about in this space. I’ll have to go ahead and assume what transpired in that hiss of new silence. A semi-naked man wearing only a Big Gulp cup harassing customers at 7-Eleven? Probably happened. An old lady complaining of a group of youths hanging out on the sidewalk and possibly smoking mary-JA-wanna? Count on it. Barking dogs? Neighbor complaints? Suspicious behavior? I dunno, man. It’s a tree-falling-in-the-woods scenario. If I can’t hear it, did any of it really happen?

What’s the frequency, Jake?
I suppose that to replace the adrenaline buzz of police radio traffic, I could just tune into Lewiston School Committee meetings. Always plenty of drama there.

In my opinionation, the sun is gonna surely shine
In still more distressing news, I had the occasion to watch a couple (43) episodes of the old show “Blossom” the other night. Hey, don’t judge me. It’s fine entertainment. And speaking of fine entertainment, I’d like to see one of you good people try to learn Blossom’s goofy dance before the year is out. And by “you good people” I don’t mean “me.” The only time I move like that is when a bee flies up my shorts.

Target delays opening
This actually bums me out. Having a second choice in ginormous department stores would be a wonderful thing. Imagine it: shopping in a place where pants aren’t optional. I’ve forgotten what that’s like.

Seems like it’s been so long since students were buzzing around the Bates College campus, when I drove up Campus Avenue the other day, I thought we were being attacked by an army of really good looking, healthy and well-dressed invaders. Call me crazy, but I believe that’s how the Achaemenid Persian Empire fell back in the day.

Did you hear what happened on Pine Street in Lewiston just now? Yeah, me neither.

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