Brittany Wetherill
Recently I had a teenage friend of mine admit to me that they really don’t like Christmas. They have a difficult family, and so don’t enjoy family time, “and isn’t that what Christmas is all about?” I was called away to deal with something else at that moment, and so did not have time to respond. I would like to do so now, not only for them, but for everyone who doesn’t particularly enjoy this time of year for whatever reason.
No. No, that is not what Christmas is about. It’s not what any holiday at this time of year is about. It’s not what this season is about. At all. If you have a family that makes you feel miserable, please avoid them. Now is not the time to risk that kind of exposure to negativity.
Do you know why Christmas/Hannikah/Kwanza/Yule/enteryourholidayhere is in December? Because December is the worst. December 21st is the shortest day of the year, and on a primal level, that messes with our heads and our hearts. It is cold- you expend energy keeping warm. It is dark- you are missing crucial vitamins provided by the sun (think of yourself as a plant with more needs) and are less likely to venture out of your house, even if you mentally need it. There are less fresh fruits and veggies- AGAIN, depriving you of nutrients. The chemicals that help you create happy in the brain are just plain LOW. Your internal battery is blinking warning signs at you that you are about to crash, physically and/or emotionally. And guess what? We are one of those unfortunate creatures that can literally DIE from the sads. So no, Mr. Williams, it is NOT “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year,” I hate that your song makes people think it should be, and I am prepared to literally fight you on this point. However, human beings are also adaptable little warriors and have come up with ways to cope with this yearly attack on our senses.
The holiday season is the human race’s way of fighting back. It is a survival mechanism. It is centuries of adaptation blended into shere unadulterated genius. It is our battle plan. We stuff our faces with concoctions of sugar and butter to boost our depleted energy levels. We gain a couple extra pounds to make sure we don’t freeze in the cold. We make things filled with preserved fruit and veggies to bring those vitamins back in. We bring in anything outside that still has GREEN on it to add to our stuffy oxygen supplies inside our cramped houses and boost our emotions with physical signs of life (true facts- science says we love green). We add red- a visible sign of energy and vitality to EVERYTHING. Chocolate becomes a staple not only because of sugar and fat but because it’s got that happiness chemical we just don’t have the energy to make right now (anyone else fighting your dementors right now?). We sing songs at the top of our lungs about hope, joy and love to fight off creeping depression. And yes, when the night is long, and the world is darkest, we put up twinkle lights. We fight that darkness, internally and externally, with human made bits of beauty. You fought off demons today, yours or others, by plugging in a cord- you now have permission to feel powerful and heroic.
So yes, the holiday season is often a time for family. It is a time when you remind yourself what you like most about them because you are often stuck inside with them anyways. You find things to admire about them because then you have something inspiring to look at every day. You find things that will make them happiest because bringing joy to others is often how we bring joy to ourselves. And in a perfect world, family is who you turn to for love and support when you need it the most.
We don’t live in a perfect world. In a perfect world, we wouldn’t even NEED the holidays because the changing seasons wouldn’t be trying to kill us. Maybe your family is utter trash. Maybe it is physically difficult/impossible for you to get those lights up. Maybe your body can’t handle the sugar and fats without trying to quit on you. Maybe the Christmas songs trigger past trauma. If something that traditionally helps human beings through this time of year doesn’t actually work specifically for you then DON’T DO IT. This is a time you year when you are particularly susceptible to stress and depression. Anything that adds to it simply is not healthy.
At this point, some of you are quietly fuming that “I am celebrating a miracle of God” and don’t appreciate the insinuation that your religious holiday is some coping mechanism for a yearly emotional imbalance. I would quietly point out that when things are at their worst, that is when we need faith. Putting a religious holiday in a time of year when things are difficult for you isn’t demeaning the religion. It is stating that it is one of the most important things in your life- that your faith is a touchstone that reminds you of all that is truly important. Isn’t that what religion is for? Whatever your faith, it is meant to guide you to a good life, and yes, sometimes help you through the difficult parts of that life. As a Christian, I hold onto the idea that I am loved so deeply that someone wished to share in all my earthly suffering, and that love gets me through every single December. Whatever your holiday or religion, something about it is big enough and powerful enough that it gets you through too.
Maybe you aren’t religious. Maybe you don’t have a faith that pulls you up when you fall down. Ok. The soldier who does not have a sword to swing when the enemy comes learns to make arrows. What helps you? What makes you happy? What fills you with warmth and reminds you of the good in the world? This past couple of years, we woke up a little to how important mental health is. We were all stuck inside without human company or in the company of people who are not good for us. We found ways to adapt. We ate cereal in our soft pajamas at 3pm. We learned to paint, or bake, or garden. We read books, watched shows, and listened to podcasts. We left little messages of hope and inspiration for other people to see because it helped us cope too. In terms of emotional and physical stress, think of winter as a mini pandemic. Find those things again.
Make the holidays about whatever brings you joy. Hope, love and joy. Family can be a part of that, or not. Found family, friends, can be a part of that, or not. Tradition can be a part of that, or you make some new traditions. Maybe Naruto, or Muppets, or thick history textbooks, or old football games, or hiking mountains, or huge canvases that take you three weeks to paint, or dogs that want to go outside at 2 am, or green houses full of flowers, or game nights with complete strangers, are part of your holidays. Whatever makes you happy. Whatever gives you strength. Go fight the darkness with whatever weapon you have at hand. THAT is what Christmas is all about.
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