My mother passed away almost five years ago and our last conversation loops in my head. As she squeezed my hand and slightly shook her head side-to-side, I promised her I would take care of my dad. My mom’s plan was to just live longer than my dad and take care of everything.  Like many in their generation, they didn’t want to be “a burden.”  So, I offered those words of commitment to soothe and ease her mind. In that moment, it was the right thing to do, and I meant it.

Now, as my dad continues to age in Florida, it is time for me to make good on my promise, starting with selling his home and finding the right independent-to-assisted living facility. It sounds so simple, but the reality is that I am not prepared for all the details the process entails and I’m really puzzled about how to do it all from 1,500 miles away.

Plus, I’m emotional, and even the most stoic or organized person can become immobilized by these feelings. It’s a powerful combination of doubt, fear, regret and pending loss. I’ve come to call it “guilt-fusion.” It surfaces as soon as I start speaking with my dad or my brothers about his wellbeing and future.

Whenever you’re stressed out, conventional wisdom says you should identify what you can control and let go of what you can’t. When I got home from my most recent trip to Florida, I reached out for advice from Joe Flynn, owner of Flynn & Company Real Estate services, because he provides the services in Maine that I am trying to find down south.

1. As soon as you start thinking of listing, find an experienced real estate agent—we’re talking at least 10 years of experience, and Flynn has 30—who will do more than help with the sale. You want someone with community connections and diversified resources who can direct you to the right places for your special loved one. Aside from hard skills, be sure to interview them to make sure you get along. We all need compassion, patience and, at least for our family, a sense of humor.

2. The right agent-partner should be able to refer you to multiple attorneys and financial advisors who specialize in elder care. Review again (and again) all living wills and financial data to determine your loved one’s wishes and current cash flow.

3. Living so far from our dad has been tough. Joe Flynn works long-distance on a regular basis to coordinate between a Maine-based elder and multiple adult children out of state. Explore local organizations that specialize in transitions to independent or assisted living or helping someone age in place. Some will even set up meetings, facilitate difficult conversations and unveil logistical details you would never think of on your own, giving you time to care for yourself during this process and find ways to release the guilt-fusion.

4. Start clearing out the house and find new homes for all the “stuff.” This concrete action is way less stressful when you are not under the pressure of time.

5. Flynn subscribes to the philosophy that “givers gain,” so unless you have someone in mind for a particular object, donate or consign it. He has a few go-to charities and worthy organizations where his clients’ things regularly end up.

6. Work with your agent-partner to address maintenance and repairs so that the home will be in top condition when it is listing time. Updated lighting, fresh kitchen counters or a new boiler could make all the difference, but those are more details to worry about and coordinate. Under Flynn & Company, Joe has an in-house property management team that will do this work.

7. Consider not selling. My dad’s home could be a winter respite for the family, then we’ll rent it out during the off season. However, even thinking about managing an out-of-state property is stressful. Here in Maine, Flynn does that very thing with his property management team, the same one that puts in the new counters.

I left my conversation with Joe Flynn feeling more knowledgeable, in control and a little annoyed that an agent like him hasn’t materialized on my dad’s doorstep. But the journey has just begun. I will be spending more time in Florida in the coming months and as we go through the process together, my brothers and I will work with our agent-partner and their resources as much as possible, so that when we are with dad, all we have to think about is him.

Does this sound familiar to you? Release the guilt-fusion. Contact Flynn & Company today so they can help you and your family make a plan. Call 207-776-5226 or email joe.flynn@atlanticrealestatenetwork.com.