So, like the rest of you weirdos, I’ve been enjoying images and video of that big, bad transformer being moved through Auburn and into Lewiston. I just wish there was video available of crews securing the monstrosity to the trailer at the beginning of the trip. I guarantee you at some point, a dude pulled the ratchet straps extra tight, rapped on the transformer itself and said: “That ain’t going nowhere.” It’s practically required by law no matter WHAT you’re moving.

OK, I’m declaring it official. The very worst spam offenders this election season — and it ain’t even close — come from the Democratic National Committee, which sends me something like four emails per hour extolling the many joys of the Harris-Walz team. At least five times a day, I get emails directly from Harris and Walz, too. I hear from them so often right now, I half expect one of them to ask me for help moving this weekend. I’d help a politician move, sure enough, but only so I could break their perfectly good stuff like they’re always doing to us. Pity about what happened to that antique mirror, Mr. Walz. I swear, I thought I had it bungeed down tight.

I did get suckered into helping to move a piano over the weekend. What a cliche, right? When someone said “that ain’t going nowhere,” they were actually talking about my hernia.

I’m so sick of modern cars. Never mind all the alarms, auto-braking and screeching alerts about this or that. Nowadays, almost all new cars come with a completely ridiculous stop/start system that will actually turn your car off while you’re sitting at a stop light. I don’t know about you, but having my car shut down in traffic will never fail to horrify me. Lane departure alarms and automatic braking for absolutely nothing also scare me. The automakers these days have clearly watched too many found footage horror movies and have installed jump scares in all their cars.

So, I was driving in the Belgrade Lakes area this weekend when I saw a bunch of trees with leaves that were turning colors. Let’s just say, those leaves aren’t green anymore and leave it at that. The sight of turning leaves forces me into full denial. Fall coming? You’re crazy! Why, summer is just beginning! Then I come back to Lewiston and get stuck behind five different school buses on five different streets. That’s a little harder to ignore, but by gum, I’m trying!