Talk of the Town

You’re lost, little girl
While I was scooting around looking for BIG Halloween decorations, I came upon one that didn’t fit the criteria for my story, but which nonetheless nearly made me wet myself. I don’t remember the specifics, but it seemed to involve a corpse girl riding a bicycle in somebody’s front yard. Or perhaps it was a Raggedy Ann doll riding that bicycle with a look of madness in her sewn face. I want to get back to that creepy scene so I can shiver and whimper some more but wouldn’t you know it? I’ve completely forgotten where it is. If you would be so kind as to check your front yards for either a horrifying girl or a demented Raggedy Ann on a bike, I’d sure appreciate it.

Ain’t she a doll?
By the way, I find Raggedy Ann dolls exceedingly creepy — what is she smiling at, anyway? She’s made of rags! In the musty sub-basement of my mind, I’m always half afraid of waking up to find ol’ Raggedy in bed with me. Or perhaps she’ll arrive by mail with no explanation and the terror will begin. You know what? I’m freaking myself out so let’s just forget we ever had this conversation.

It’s still a month away!
I confess that I’m one of those who believes that Halloween decorations shouldn’t go up until the month of October is at least a week old, but you know what? Riding around on hot summer days recently, I DID come across some really cool stuff. You know, in addition to the Raggedy Ann doll, which we’ve agreed not to talk about so quit bringing it up. What I HAVEN’T come across on the streets yet is the 6-foot animated Haunted Deep Sea Diver, available at Lowe’s for the low, low price of $349, or the 6-foot fugly sea captain selling for the same price. Both of those are exceedingly creepy, so if your credit card can handle a little more stress, go out and fetch them and plop them in your yard so I can enjoy them on the cheap.

Attic . . . of death!
Years back, I used to be a sucker for Halloween decorations and by golly, money was no object. This is why I still have a floating ghost girl, a quivering madman in a straight jacket, a 3-foot skeletal dude with cane and doo rag, a crazed goblin and about two dozen other frights residing in a dusty, unused room on a top floor of the house. These are my abandoned children. I DID keep the giant Angel of Death on a shelf above my computer desk, but she’s got to go, too, because sometimes I sense her judging me. What I do in my private hours is none of your concern, death face!

It’s a sickness
Now, instead of Halloween ghouls and nosy, foam angels, all I buy are hiking backpacks. Sooo many hiking backpacks. I’m going to have to get rid of some of them too, though, because I sense them judging me from time to time. What I choose to carry around in my free time is none of your concern, Kelty!