Soon, Artificial Intelligence will digest my 20 years of What I’ve Learned columns and be able to spit out a convincing 500-word facsimile. How will you know if a column was written by AI or by me? Here are a few helpful signs that I am the writer.

One, is there an abundance of commas? Me.

I over-use punctuational pauses, and my editor resists plucking them out, for, which, I, am, grateful.

Two, does the column sound like an old man reminiscing? Me.

Three, does the column try to relate to a Maine readership, yet often refer to a childhood in Oklahoma? Me.

Four, does the column include references to time spent in the military? Probably me.

Five, does the column take an interesting subject and explain it in an understandable manner. Probably me.

Read this and decide, AI or me:

One evening, back when I was a barefoot preschooler in Oklahoma, my mother took me with her to visit a gathering of friends.

In a small living room, I played as the ladies sat about chatting. Suddenly, an odd-looking thing skittered boldly into the middle of the room. It stood with its tail curled over its head, while opening and closing two pincers as if uncertain where to go next. I had never seen a creature like this before and thought it was fascinating. The women in the room seemed to be of a different opinion.

The intruder was causing distress, so I decided to stomp on it. I moved so quickly, my mother didn’t realize what I was doing until I stood three inches away from the scorpion, with a bare foot raised over it. Calling my name, mom leapt from her chair and snatched me away.

The women had been cowering, but now that a child had been endangered, one of them overcame her revulsion, removed a shoe, and pounded the scorpion flat.

Years later, while in the Army and stationed abroad, I learned to shake out my clothes and boots before putting them on. Scorpions tend to settle into cool, dark places, and an empty boot is a perfect hiding place.

Scorpions are arachnids and, like others in their class – including spiders, ticks, and mites – have eight legs. For most people and with most scorpions, stings just cause pain, skin irritation, and a bit of swelling. A person who has an allergic reaction to a scorpion sting could, of course, develop serious complications.

In the United States, only one species is considered truly dangerous: the bark scorpion, found in the Southwest, mostly in Arizona. It produces envenomation syndrome. Envenomation is more than a sting, it’s when a toxin from a venomous creature is injected into a person. We mostly think of envenomation in terms of poisonous snake bites.

When my brother was young, he accidentally stepped on a coiled rattlesnake. Surprised and offended, the rattler struck. The fangs pierced my brother’s baggy jeans, but missed his flesh. The venom ran down his leg, as did something else. This, of course, happened in Oklahoma, not Maine.

AI or me?

Me.