Talk of the Town Ernie Anderson

More gravy than grave
My friends, I’m ready to make it official. After watching no fewer than four different versions of “A Christmas Carol” over the holiday, I’m prepared to declare once and for all that the version with George C. Scott is the very best. I just find that with his squashed nose and surly demeanor, Scott best personifies Mr. Scrooge himself, and his transition from skinflint to big-hearted philanthropist is note-for-note perfect. Patrick Stewart is too buff for the role in my view, whereas Albert Finney just looks drunk and deranged for most of the movie runtime. Alastair Sim is good, I will admit, and Scrooge McDuck brings something new to the role, but not a one of them has anything on ol’ George C. So, that’s my ruling. Decision is final. No appeals.

You light up my underparts
It was another one of those years where I was so desperate to finish up Christmas shopping, I got just about everyone in my world a toilet light. You may scoff, sir, but when you are introduced to a multi-colored toilet light for the first time you come to understand at long last what it would be like to pee on the Starship Enterprise. There’s just no putting a price on that.

Actually…
There IS putting a price on that. I think I paid $21.99 for a four pack.

That which we call a rose
Just as George C. Scott was the ultimate Ebenezer Scrooge, Olivia Hussey, who died this week, was BY FAR the best Juliet to ever grace the screen in William Shakespeare’s great work. I won’t brook any argument on this matter, either. I’ve been in love with Miss Hussey since I was 8 years old and am prepared to defend her honor to the death. She was also great in “Black Christmas,” now that I think of it.

You kiss your mother with that mouth?
Did you ever notice that at Christmastime, the tradition is to kiss whomever stands beneath the mistletoe, whereas on New Year’s Eve, we are to suck face with whatever person happens to be nearest at the stroke of midnight? We really are a randy people. It’s a wonder we don’t stumble into the new year with crippling cases of mono.

The kiss … of death!
Earlier in the month, it was the mysterious drones over New Jersey and elsewhere that got the populace freaked out. Now? It’s the fog. Yes, the fog; a mysterious, stinky haze reported all over the country, mostly in the evenings. With all this going on, it remains to be seen if 2025 is going to see us in a “War of the Worlds” kind of scenario or something more akin to Stephen King’s “The Mist.” However it goes, don’t forget to make out with as many people as you can because that’s probably how we’re going to win this thing.