Talk of the Town Ernie Anderson

Pete Hegseth’s confirmation hearing
Ha! Got you. As IF I’m going to write about political stuff. Can you imagine? I don’t even know who Pete Hegseth IS! If asked to guess, I’d say utility infielder for the 1984 Milwaukee Brewers. Actually I’d say Pittsburgh Pirates because Miluwakie is too hard to spell.

We’re taking Greenland?
Cool beans. Maybe once it’s fully under control, the newspaper can open a Greenland bureau and I can go work there. I mean, it’s got “green” in its name, so I imagine it’s glorious. I’m going to start buying beachwear in full expectation of living a Jimmy Buffet kind of lifestyle.

More geopolitics
All this talk of Greenland reminds me of that old Jeremy Hotz bit about Canada finally making a military move by invading Turkey and renaming it Chicken. Only he says it dirty.

And speaking of dirty
Since I changed my Facebook settings last week, those porno ladies haven’t made a single appearance on my posts and weirdly, I kind of miss them. I know it’s spam and all, but I always got the impression that those ladies were really fond of me; really interested in getting to know me as a person. We had the kind of special bond that can only exist between a half-wit Facebook poster and beautiful women who are probably mostly AI creations. I should really go write a sonnet about my feelings on this.

Never mind
It occurs to me that I’m not really sure what a “sonnet” is. I’d write a simple limerick instead but as we discussed, limericks are the domain of mad cartoonist Ernie Anderson and I don’t feel like getting whacked today.

Is it weird . . .
That some days I DO feel like getting whacked?

TikTok ban!
I’m just now hearing about the possibility of this ban and I tell you, people. I’m bereft. I swear, this was the year that I was finally going to do some research and find out once and for all what the hell TikTok is. What about Snapchat, is Snapchat OK? Because I have no idea what THAT is, either.

Walking on sunshine
So, my current wife went out and bought a couple pairs of really nice snowshoes in expectation of aaaaall the winter hiking we were going to do this year. I’m kind of outraged because when you buy those things, they never mention that snow is an actual requirement. They should at LEAST put a “snow not included” warning on the box.

425
By posting a lot of shorter items in this column space, I thought I’d reach the required 425 words in no time. Nope. I’m languishing at 418 words so I need to keep babbling. I guess this would be a good time to tell you my deepest, darkest secret. It happened one immemorial evening when I decided to . . . But whoa! I’ve just topped 425. We’re done here.