The real estate project that ate Lewiston

That honking big apartment complex being constructed on Pine Street in Lewiston is freaking me out. It’s not only the hugeness of the buildings that gets me, but the way they seem to bulge over Pine Street, as if they mean to someday devour the street and then the park beyond it. Every day, that complex seems to inch a little bit closer to the inner city, moving so slowly that only hawk-eyed weirdos like myself will notice it. The whole thing reminds me of Stephen King’s “Uncle Otto’s Truck.” Or possibly of King’s “The Mangler,” which involved a hunk of laundry equipment that broke free and terrorized the populace. Either way, we’re in for good times.

Silver lining?

Or maybe I shouldn’t make assumptions about what those big ol’ buildings mean to eat. Maybe, just maybe, they’re setting their cathedral window eyes on City Hall, with plans to destroy the very entity that created them. And with the big property revaluation, rising taxes, and plans for robot trash removal in the works, you’ve got to wonder how many Lewiston residents will rise up to rescue City Hall from the terror. I picture most of us whistling quietly, looking elsewhere and going about our business. Rampaging building? What rampaging building? I’m just going down to Simones’ for some hot dogs, man.

Score!

My friends, it’s over. The Great Yogi Soothing Caramel Tea Crisis of 2026 came to an end on Thursday when an Amazon order for the stuff came in. I know that for months, scads of you have been searching for this stuff on my behalf and I’m grateful. I’m happy to announce you can give up the search and go back to your families and your lives. Unless you don’t really care for your families and lives, in which case I invite you to help me find Hannaford brand chocolate graham crackers. Those &#!%@$ things are still among the missing.

A nice rear end

Those of you who offered thoughts and prayers for my ailing pickup truck will be happy to know that the 2004 Nissan Titan I call Parabomba is back on the road, thanks to a brilliant and generous son-in-law. If you don’t have one of those, you definitely ought to get one. And I desperately need my truck now, too. Have you experienced the canyon-sized pot holes and frost heaves out there right now? Hit one of those in my wife’s %!#$# Impreza with its 3-inches of ground clearance and it’s not just the car’s rear I’ve got to worry about but my human one, too.

Ticked off

Spent some time in the woods this weekend and then spent twice as long on my de-tickification process, which now involves lint rollers, three different kinds of sprays, trailhead nudity and a tuning fork for some reason. It’s all very scientific.

Mark LaFlamme is an award-winning Sun Journal reporter and columnist. He’s covered the nighttime police beat since 1994, which is just grand because he doesn’t like getting out of bed before noon. He is the author of eight published novels and rides a dual sport motorcycle everywhere he goes. Unless it’s winter, in which case he just sulks a lot.