Four people in Maine were murdered in domestic violence homicides during one week in March. A little boy. A man. A woman. Another woman. And what remains is us. We remain here, reeling, wondering how to move on.

Families are left one less family member. Communities are left wondering how this could happen (again). We are left feeling powerless because of someone else’s need for power and control.

I have found myself attempting to write a response to all this violence for days. But really, it has been weeks and years. Every single time a person is murdered in a domestic violence homicide I grapple with how to talk about it without the rage, pain and disbelief oozing from the page. How do we keep the victim at the center while holding the offender to account? How do we get justice?

As an advocate, an activist, and a woman in this world, I seek, every single day, to bring all of us together in the work to end domestic abuse and violence. Instead of writing this, what I really want to do is scream from every roof top and yell until my voice is gone. But since I cannot do this, I am writing yet another opinion piece with many hopes all rolled up between each sentence.

My hopes are varied and vast. I hope that you turn your head toward the work left to do in ending domestic abuse and violence, that you encourage others to do the same and that you pay attention to and seek real change and real justice.

I want you to know that murders don’t just happen. In the aftermath of yet another murder, we hear our friends and neighbors try to find a reason. Some blame mental illness, guns, drugs or trauma. It is true that these issues intersect in devastating ways in our world.

But here is the underlying truth: Those who harm others choose to do so by asserting power and control over another human being. When someone kills another, it is not because of jealously, anger or circumstances. Rather, it is because of a fundamental belief in their right to do so, because what they want matters more than the other person’s very existence.

The four people who died recently were murdered by someone who chose to kill. Yes, this is a bold statement and it is the truth and it is time we speak it. This is part of accountability. Part of holding perpetrators accountable is speaking out and speaking up — speaking the things that feel hard to say when saying them.

Here is how I suggest we get justice: We advocate for stronger laws that protect our communities. We stand up for people when we see them being harmed. We acknowledge that oppression and misogyny exist in our community and call it out when we see it. We change our language. We stop saying that “she should leave” and begin saying “he must stop.”

We must use our voices individually and collectively. We must write articles even when we have trouble finding the words. We must put one foot in front of the other. We must do the work.

Elise Johansen is the executive director of Safe Voices, the domestic violence resource center serving Androscoggin, Franklin and Oxford counties.

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