If you or your spouse have had an affair, it
doesn’t have to mean the end of your relationship. If both of you are prepared
to work through the problems, the following tips can help you move through the
process.
1. ‘Fess up learn to listen and talk with each other.
If you’re
serious about fixing the problems in your relationship, it’s crucial that you
both begin to face each other honestly and openly. Most of the time, affairs
occur because the communication and intimacy in the relationship have broken
down. It’s time to take an honest look at what went wrong. You may need
professional help from a counselor or therapist to open up your communication,
but it’s the only way to repair the damage done.
2. Fix Problems.
Once the
problems have been identified, be willing to make the changes that will fix
them. Doing things the same way you always have will give you the same results.
Again, it may take the objectivity of a counselor to help you figure out what
changes are needed.
As long as you’re stuck in blaming each other and
defending yourself, you won’t be able to move forward. Forgiving each other
doesn’t mean condoning what happened, or that it would be OK if it happened
again. What it does mean, is that you’re willing to close that chapter and move
on. Your therapist can help you understand and create mutual
forgiveness.
Tina Tessina, Ph.D., has been a licensed California
psychotherapist for more than 30 years. She’s authored more than 11 books,
including “Money, Sex and Kids.”
She can be reached at tinatinatessina.com.
Visit divorce360.com for help before, during and after divorce.
By
Tina Tessina
divorce360.com
If you or your spouse have had an affair, it
doesn’t have to mean the end of your relationship. If both of you are prepared
to work through the problems, the following tips can help you move through the
process.
1. ‘Fess up learn to listen and talk with each other.
If you’re
serious about fixing the problems in your relationship, it’s crucial that you
both begin to face each other honestly and openly. Most of the time, affairs
occur because the communication and intimacy in the relationship have broken
down. It’s time to take an honest look at what went wrong. You may need
professional help from a counselor or therapist to open up your communication,
but it’s the only way to repair the damage done.
2. Fix Problems.
Once the
problems have been identified, be willing to make the changes that will fix
them. Doing things the same way you always have will give you the same results.
Again, it may take the objectivity of a counselor to help you figure out what
changes are needed.
As long as you’re stuck in blaming each other and
defending yourself, you won’t be able to move forward. Forgiving each other
doesn’t mean condoning what happened, or that it would be OK if it happened
again. What it does mean, is that you’re willing to close that chapter and move
on. Your therapist can help you understand and create mutual
forgiveness.
Tina Tessina, Ph.D., has been a licensed California
psychotherapist for more than 30 years. She’s authored more than 11 books,
including “Money, Sex and Kids.”
She can be reached at tinatinatessina.com.
Visit divorce360.com for help before, during and after divorce.

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