Silly Democrats! Don’t they see that answering the president’s phony economic stimulus plan with a dull old real one is a loser? Why, it’s downright sweet, the way they’re actually proposing a sensible stimulus with relief for low-income workers and strapped states. Since the White House is going to blast even tepid opposition as “class warfare,” however, Democrats may as well respond with the kind of full-throated class war that clarifies the stakes.

Here are three such plans ready for introduction tomorrow – not intended as real economic policy, of course, but, like the White House plan, crafted purely for the self-serving debate it can promote.

The CEO Repentance Stimulus Plan. Democrats are grumbling that Bush’s tax cuts go to rich people who don’t deserve them while exploding the long-term deficit. So why not offer a stimulus that meets these objections with a one-time “feckless CEO” tax surcharge?

Qualifying CEOs or former CEOs would face a one-time surtax on their net worth this year if (a) their total compensation was more than 300 times what frontline workers earned, or (b) they earned at least $50 million dollars over a period when their company’s performance was so dismal that investors would have been better off parking their cash in Treasury bills.

As it turns out, incoming Treasury Secretary John Snow qualifies on both counts – giving him a delightful chance to be quizzed on the merits of this plan at his confirmation hearings! The proceeds of this one-time surcharge would go directly to fund rebates to low-income workers, thus adding nothing to the deficit while getting cash into the hands of Americans who’ll spend it fast.

The Robin Hood Goes To Iraq Stimulus Plan. This variation on the same theme would apply the one-time surcharge to millionaires, fully funding a similar rebate for the working poor. The idea is that in a time of potential war with Iraq, and with homeland security calling for fresh resources, we need the most fortunate Americans to step up and bankroll the stimulus so as to keep our overall fiscal house in order.

With about 5 million millionaires in the United States, a one-time pre-war surcharge of $10,000 would produce $50 billion for the working poor without adding a penny to the deficit. This focuses the media debate where it should be – you mean, Mr. President, that on the eve of war, the wealthiest sliver of Americans shouldn’t bear any new burden but instead get a big new tax cut?

The “Pretty Please” Plan. Instead of moaning predictably over Bush’s plan to scrap dividend taxes in ways that benefit the best-off, why not surprise us with a fresh, happy warrior approach?

Democrats should say, you got it, Mr. President. But we’ll see you and raise you.

First, we’ll eliminate the estate tax pronto. Then we’ll scrap the dividend tax. And we’ll even throw in a total elimination of the capital gains tax – because we know you’ll get to it sooner or later, and why should we keep wealthy Americans waiting?

We’ll do all that right away – provided you’ll tell us we can finally have your support for universal health coverage. This focuses the debate on the question, “What is this White House’s price?” How much do we have to do for the top 1 percent before President Bush will agree that 42 million uninsured Americans deserve basic health coverage? Just tell us your number. No estate tax. No dividend tax. No capital gains tax. Then can we behave like every other advanced nation? Pretty please?

Would any of these brands of class warfare be as risky as Republicans and most Democrats assume? I think they’d actually be popular – and I know they’d be a lot more entertaining (and thus engaging) to debate than the milquetoast little squabbles Democrats are now cooking up.

Still, I know what you’re thinking: Isn’t it wrong and irresponsible to foist make-believe plans on the public merely to score political points? In ordinary times the answer would be yes, but at a time of “war,” ’tis always best to follow the example of our commander in chief.

Matt Miller is a syndicated columnist. His e-mail address is: mattino@worldnet.att.net.


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