DEAR ABBY: I am a 20-year-old male and a full-time college student. On nights and weekends I hold down two part-time jobs. One of them is delivering pizza.

One night two weeks ago, I made a delivery to a nearby motel. As I was leaving, I saw a familiar car pull into the parking lot. It was my mother’s Mustang. She was driving.

I was surprised to see her there, so I turned my car around and followed her to the rear of the motel. I watched her park, get out, knock on a door and enter. After several minutes of confusion, I returned to my job.

Two hours later, after more deliveries, I returned to the motel. Sure enough, her car was still parked in the same spot. After 20 minutes or so, I watched her come out of a room with a man I recognized from her office. He’s in his late 20s, and I know he has a wife and two small children. (Mother is 41, but looks younger.) I froze. I didn’t confront her.

Now I don’t know what to do. Every time I look at my dad I feel guilty because I haven’t said anything. The news would crush him. Should I continue keeping this to myself or tell someone? – IN SHOCK IN CHICAGO

DEAR IN SHOCK: It is unfortunate that you have been caught in the middle. The person you should talk to is your mother. Your father needs to be told, but she is the one who should do it. If her co-worker is cheating on his wife with your mother, he could also be cheating with others. In that case, your parents should both be tested for sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).

DEAR ABBY: My husband, “Howard,” and I are in our early 40s with two young children. I have had a problem with my father-in-law my entire marriage. He expects Howard to entertain him on weekends. As it is, they see each other Monday through Friday because they work together. My father-in-law is married, but he doesn’t want to be home with his wife on weekends – he’d rather spend time fishing or bowling with his son.

I think Howard should be with our children and me on the weekends. When I complain to him about it, Howard accuses me of nagging. This Saturday morning when I objected, Howard stalked out and said over his shoulder, “See you tonight!” It’s impossible to make plans for the weekends because Howard won’t agree to anything until he checks with his dad first to see if HE wants to do something.

Am I selfish to want my husband’s attention for our children and me on weekends? After all, his dad already sees him far more than we do. Should I try to accept this, or tell my husband to either grow up or move in with his dad? Please help me, Abby. The tension between us is unbearable. – DESPERATE WIFE IN TENNESSEE

DEAR DESPERATE WIFE: Your father-in-law is, and has been, a terrible role model for his son. Your husband is no longer a child; he is a grown man with responsibilities of his own that he is shirking.

Since Howard doesn’t want to hear it from you, your next move should be to get some marriage counseling. If he won’t go with you, take your mother-in-law and go without him. It may come to light that because of their business relationship, Howard feels he can’t say no to Dad for fear of jeopardizing his financial obligations to you and the children. Whatever the reason, it needs to be brought out into the open.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order “How to Be Popular.” Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447.

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