FARMINGTON – A conference this weekend on death and dying will teach those with grief how to look at death not as a finality but as the beginning of a new relationship.

“My belief is that when a person dies, a relationship does not die,” explained Lorraine Hedtke, an internationally-known presenter on death, dying and bereavement. She will be flying from Arizona to lead the Remembering Lives: Conversations with the Dying and Bereaved Conference.

“When we experience death not as a finality but as an invitation to a new relationship with our dying loved one, we are breaking from a modernist approach that dictates we must ‘get over’ our grief and ‘move on’ with life.”

The conference, which will be held at Franklin Memorial Hospital’s new Bass Room on Friday and Saturday, Oct 17 and 18, is appealing to both professionals and lay people, stated Hedtke by e-mail on Tuesday.

The workshops on Friday and Saturday morning will be geared toward professional people in the field of mental health such as counselors, social workers and clergy, Hedtke said. Those who might benefit from coming, she added, are those who work with people who are dying.

A Saturday afternoon workshop, which has more appeal to the general public, will include a brief overview of Hedtke’s approach and an introduction to her concept of storytelling with the dying and bereaved, according to a press release.

Hedtke said she encourages anyone looking for a fresh approach to handling loss to attend. “Participants will learn about the assumptions in traditional approach and they will learn questions to ask about death and grief that invite hope,” she said.

With a growing elderly population, especially in Maine, it’s important to re-examine the way death is examined.

“We have outgrown the metaphors that have thought of death and grief as a task that is in need of completion or an ordeal to survive,” Hedtke noted. “The approach that we will be learning takes up conversations that incorporate remembering as a central feature. People want to know that they matter and that they will not be forgotten.”

The conference will parallel many of the messages found in Hedtke’s new book that is expected later this year titled “Re-membering Lives: Conversations with the Dying and Bereaved,” which she co-wrote with John Winslade.

For those who can’t attend the conference, she offered a few suggestions on how to deal with loss.

“Rather than ‘saying good-bye’ or ‘reaching for closure’ as people living with grief have been encouraged to do, this approach encourages people to continue incorporating the deceased person’s memories and stories into their life. Death might end a physical life, but the relationship with those who are still living, continues.”

The two-day event is co-sponsored by Western Maine Palliative Care and Hospice Coalition, Franklin Memorial Hospital, Androscoggin Home Care and Hospice, Community Concerts and Western Maine Community Action.

For more information, or to register, phone Judy Barker at 778-0575.

sdepoy@sunjournal.com

Copy the Story Link