Now what?

OK, I know what the first and foremost answer to that query is.

The Yankees and their, uh, loyal delegation, millions of whom couldn’t name five players who wore pinstripes before 1996 even if you spotted them Mike Pagliarulo, walk on to the World Series, and we don’t.

Few concepts in the known universe are more agonizing, this side of being a third wheel on your wife’s date with Joe Millionaire.

As for me, rather than subject myself to watching Destiny’s Darlings wallop the winner of the JV series in four, possibly five games, I’ll be boycotting. Any self-respecting Red Sox loyalist whose sympathies date back to 1986, 1978, 1975, 1967, 1946, or even earlier should make the same commitment.

Instead of watching that dastardly franchise win its 27th world championship, here are 27 alternative forms of entertainment guaranteed to harbor more fun:

1. Having your wisdom teeth removed. Without anesthesia.

2. Writing limericks that begin with the line, “There once was a man named Matsui.”

3. Watching a tape of Jean Van de Velde butchering the 72nd hole of the British Open at Carnoustie in 1999. Then you’ll realize that Grady Little only orchestrated the second-biggest choke of the last decade in professional sports.

4. Dropping Fenway Park seventh-inning stretch anthem “Sweet Caroline” into the CD player and then subjecting yourself to every other song in the Neil Diamond catalog.

5. Checking out every Internet site unearthed by a simultaneous search for the names “Steve Bartman” and “Chicago Cubs.” On Yahoo, there already are 678 of ’em.

6. Calling major media outlets, pretending to be Bartman and seeing if they’ll be as dumb as ESPN and put you on the air.

7. Fining yourself a quarter for every time you use the word “Yankees” and seeing how much money you can save for retirement in a week.

8. Purging your DVD collection of every movie featuring actors who identify themselves as fans of the aforementioned team from the Bronx. My wife’s sure gonna miss “When Harry Met Sally.”

9. Replaying Game 6 of the 1986 World Series via Strat-O-Matic.

10. Getting a daily “Cowboy Up” haircut, because, hey, you know you wear it better than John Burkett does.

11. Cheering for the Bruins. Rumor has it they’ve been playing for almost three weeks.

12. Taking your significant other on a date that doesn’t involve a sports bar.

13. Sifting through the 25,000 baseball cards that person has been begging you to remove from your closet for the last five years.

14. Practicing your deadpan expression while boasting, “Sure, I picked the Marlins to win the pennant.”

15. Encouraging your son or daughter to root for some other baseball team. Any other baseball team. Isn’t the American Dream seeing the next generation avoid the pitfalls that befell ours? And the one before. And the one before that. And

16. Signing on for membership at a gym. You don’t ever want to look like David Wells.

17. Dreaming up creative ways to avoid attacking the next commie extremist daring to lecture that Thursday night was “only a game.”

18. Donating plasma.

19. Rearranging the furniture. After kicking that coffee table across the room, you have a head start.

20. Investing the cash you were going to spend on beer and potato chips this week.

21. Eating said chips and drinking said beer, anyway.

22. Feeling guilty because that choice totally counteracts your new gym membership.

23. Spending quality time with a good book. Or maybe The Good Book, to see if it’ll shed some light on plagues and curses.

24. Wondering out loud if there ever has been a worse broadcasting color man than Tim McCarver.

25. Concluding that there hasn’t. Including Dennis Miller.

26. Reading the newspaper to find out if the World Series is over yet.

27. Coming to the stark realization that it’s only begun. Without us.

Kalle Oakes is sports editor and can be reached by e-mail at .