When longtime Episcopalian Jacqueline Ellwood thinks of Christmas Eve, she thinks of the candles glowing and the bells ringing inside her Nashua, N.H., church.

“The holiness of the service and the fellowship and the presence of God and the incense and the sanctuary and all the beautiful words that are part of the prayer book,” she says, her voice breaking as she describes it. “It’s a very, very beautiful service.”

One she won’t be attending this year.

Ellwood is a conservative Episcopalian whose opposition to the consecration of New Hampshire Bishop V. Gene Robinson, who is openly gay, led her to leave her parish, the Church of the Good Shepherd.

For Episcopalians who support Robinson, feelings about this Christmas are just as intense, but opposite.

“We’re just happy for his election and his inclusion and really proud of our diocese and the Episcopal Church,” said the Rev. Robert Odierna, rector of Ellwood’s former church. “We will miss the approximately 10 families that have left because of it, but that hasn’t made a bit of difference in terms of our celebrations.”

This Christmas will be especially joyous for the Rev. Susan Russell, executive director of the Episcopal gay rights group Claiming the Blessing and a priest at a Pasadena, Calif., church.

“I think it’s an extraordinarily special Christmas season for us. I’m full of the hope that I think Christmas embodies,” she said.

Unlike Mary and Joseph, who were turned away at the inn in the biblical story of Jesus’ birth, gays and lesbians have a new door open to them, she said.

“That kind of witness to the country and the world – that everyone is included in Christ’s love – is huge,” she said.

Robinson, who has lived with his partner Mark Andrew for 14 years, was elected in June as the state’s next bishop and consecrated last month. The move angered conservative Anglicans worldwide who say that homosexuality is condemned by Scripture.

Robinson said last week he has been so busy with his new duties he has had little time to worry about the national and international implications of his consecration.

Come Christmas Eve, he will visit four churches between 4 and 11 p.m. to participate in services.

“I’ve been thinking during this advent season how often Jesus said ‘Fear not’ or ‘Be not afraid,”‘ he said. “There’s really no one beyond God’s love, so fear not.”

Robinson said he continues to be astonished that his sexual orientation looms larger in some minds than all the teachings Episcopalians hold in common. To elevate that one issue above all others is “idolatry,” he said.

The group leading U.S. opposition to Robinson is the American Anglican Council, which meets next month in Texas. For now, the council is urging its members to stick with the Episcopal Church.

“I believe any decision to leave now would be premature. Please stand firm a little longer,” Canon David C. Anderson advised in an e-mail letter in early December.

“We are all struggling with how to be faithful to the Lord during this difficult time when previously unthinkable questions like ‘Where is my family going to church for Christmas this year?’ have suddenly been forced upon us,” the priest wrote.

But many churchgoers are struggling.

“It is very difficult and it is very painful,” said Kathy Lewis, a member of the Church of the Redeemer in Rochester, N.H. Her church’s conservative priest was replaced last month by a more liberal representative of the diocese.

Though most continue to attend, “we find it uncomfortable in our own church home,” she said. “Most of us have not been receiving communion and that’s been very difficult.”

She is not alone.

After Robinson’s consecration, Clayton Ellis and his family left Christ Church in Exeter, N.H., for a more conservative church in West Newbury, Mass.

“They’re very sympathetic and empathetic to our situation,” he said. He said he sees many parishioners from Exeter there.

A fledgling group, the Seacoast Mission Fellowship, has attracted conservative members from several congregations from East Kingston to Dover, N.H. The fellowship plans an alternative Christmas Eve service at the chapel of Phillips Exeter Academy, and both Ellis and Ellwood said they hope to attend.

Ellis said the year’s developments have made him more aware of what worship must have been like for early, persecuted Christians, and have infused him with optimism.

He has found a new, welcoming church where like-minded people are forging new bonds.

“It’s a very positive development,” he said.

AP-ES-12-21-03 1345EST