Man, oh man. I love New Year’s Eve. It’s a holiday created specifically for crime reporters. All that drinking. All that reverie. Surely there will be action tonight. I better jot everything down minute-by-minute, as it happens.

4 p.m. OK. Kinda slow so far, but people are just getting going. Big stories crouch everywhere. Why, I just heard a report that a courier failed to make a scheduled stop in Lewiston today. He’s considered missing. This could be big.

5 p.m. OK, so there’s not much happening yet. It’s still early. I just discovered that the alley behind lower Lisbon Street dead-ends at the site of the new Oxford Networks. Guess I better eliminate that as part of my route.

5:15 p.m. OK. So I guess the courier story isn’t going to be big news, after all. They found the guy. In Rockland. Alive and well, and apparently enjoying the holiday.

6 p.m. Whoa! I nodded off for a few minutes there. No problem, though. I asked around and all I missed was a dozen loud music complaints. Any minute now the mischief is sure to begin.

6:15 p.m. I think there might be something wrong with my police scanner. I haven’t heard a peep from it in many minutes. I’ll try changing the battery. I don’t wanna miss any of the action coming down the pike. It’s gonna be wild. Man, good thing I got plenty of sleep last night. I’m ready.

6:45 p.m. Man, those Italian sandwiches from Bourques are tasty.

7 p.m. I’m driving up Spruce Street where I spot what looks like a scuffle between two women in Kennedy Park. A man is trying to separate the ladies and one of them is on a cell phone. Since when do fights involve cell phones? Was she calling a lawyer already?

Not quite. The woman with the phone is the daughter of the other woman, who was very drunk and somewhat bloody. Her New Year’s celebration ended early when police loaded her into an ambulance. Happy holidays from St. Mary’s.

7:20 p.m. A car was seen speeding through Auburn at an estimated 100 mph. I thought about heading out that way. But what am I gonna do? Catch up with the driver and ask why he’s in a rush?

7:40 p.m. The crowds are out. Mobs on street corners. Parades of bodies headed toward bars. A young lady walks several paces ahead of her buoyant boyfriend, looking disgusted and defiant. That does it, she appears to be thinking. I’m not putting up with his crap any more. Another ride around the block and the happy couple is walking arm-in-arm again. That smooth talker.

7:45 p.m. Yep. Any minute now, it’ll be like Mardi Gras around here.

8:20 p.m. A teenage boy was jumped by three bigger men near Hope Haven on Lincoln Street. The kid looked like he took some licks. Bloody lips, swollen eye. The scoundrels lifted his wallet. Early reports were that they took his shoes, as well. But the teen appeared to have sneakers on when I saw him.

8:30 p.m. Two car crash on Blake Street. One of the drivers has 19 criminal driving convictions. I wanted to see if the guy shuddered as that information was relayed to the police officer investigating the wreck. I wasn’t quick enough.

8:45 p.m. Won’t be long now. Excitement around here has reached a fever pitch. I think I saw two people crossing Kennedy Park.

9:10 p.m. Fight on Blake Street. Which Blake Street? I always forget the street is somewhat cut in half by a high-rise. Not that it matters. There’s a woman out at the scene who looks sorta mad. Beyond that, it’s Whooville.

10 p.m. A cop has stumbled onto a teen party somewhere in Lewiston. Parents are being called. A few are on their way to pick up their hooligan kids. The shame. The embarrassment. The memories it evokes.

10:10 p.m. Brawl on Knox Street! No, wait. It’s a flock of pigeons.

10:30 p.m. Suspicious looking youths hanging around a store. I wonder if youths practice looking suspicious. Every time you hear about them over the scanner, that’s how they’re described.

11 p.m. Big, fat nothing.

Loud stereos dominated the night. People were out and they were boozing it up pretty good. But they were also supremely well behaved. The myth that chaos rules New Year’s Eve in the Twin Cities takes another beating. Tonight was far more quiet than an average evening, mischief-wise.

The last call I heard over the airwaves before midnight ticked on the clock and a new digit was added to the year was a report of a disabled vehicle. A car stalled sitting at a traffic light. Ho hum. If the new year continues this way, I’ll be looking for a job.

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