Here’s a nice rhetorical question: When it comes to mastering the writing art, what is the best little trick of all? Give up? It is the proper placement of “only.”

This is the classic example: Only John hit Harry in the nose. John hit only Harry in the nose. John hit Harry only in the nose. Each of the simple declarative sentences carries a different meaning. The trick is to snuggle the “only” (and any other defining adverb) close to the word you intend to modify.

It is astonishing – astonishing to me, anyhow – that so many good writers flunk the “only” test. The Washington Post has a stable of first-rate sportswriters. All of them stumble over their onlys.

The Post’s Sally Jenkins covers golf. In August she scolded Tiger Woods for sulking at Oak Hill: “He hung his head, flapped his arms, and tossed his clubs as he only hit four of 14 fairways.” The point was not that Woods “only hit.” The remarkable thing was that he hit “only four.”

The Post’s Thomas Boswell covers a little of everything in the world of sports. Last June he wrote about Sammy Sosa’s infamous bat. Maybe the Cubs’ slugger “only had one corked bat at a time. … He says he only used the corked bat in batting practice.” Boswell was trying to say that Sosa “had only one” and used the illegal bat “only in batting practice.”

The Post’s Andrew Beyer, who regularly covers horse racing, had something to say in May about golfer Annika Sorenstam. In the Colonial tournament “she merely hopes to play respectably.” The “merely” didn’t belong with “hopes.” It belonged with “to play,” i.e., she “hopes merely to play respectably.”

The virus at the Post spreads to its op-ed page, where columnist Harold Meyerson remarked in June on Democratic victories. He remarked on the popular notion that “Democrats only lose when they appeal to the center of the spectrum.” The popular notion is that they lose only when they appeal. In Book World in June, a critic recalled the sad life of George Orwell’s widow, Sonia: “The Orwell estate only allowed her a modest allowance.” Allowed her only?

On July 24 the Post acknowledged an error: “A July 6 article incorrectly stated that the bald eagle is the only eagle indigenous to North America. The bald eagle is indigenous only to North America.” Right on!

I shouldn’t pick only on The Washington Post. The Wall Street Journal reports that certain rules laid down by Attorney General John Ashcroft “only apply to terrorist investigations.” (The rules apply only.)

The New York Times is notorious for messing up on “only.” A play based in Ireland “could only take place in a culture of shame.” (Could take place only in.) A new type of animal fencing “is only practical in places like airfields.” (Is practical only in places.) “Some companies that only own newspapers are concerned that television stations are too expensive to buy.” (Own only newspapers.)

The National Law Journal reported that in a recent case “the jury only deliberated for 90 minutes.” (Deliberated for only.) The Stuart (Fla.) News quoted the head of an advertising agency: “Our philosophy is that we only have one client – the one we’re with at the time.” Tut, tut! “Have only one!”

It remains to be said only that once you get a confident hold on “only,” you will never let go. Give it a try.

James Kilpatrick is a syndicated columnist.

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