We have been talking on “The Front Porch” about the State of the Union speech and the State of the State address.

Most of us were underwhelmed by both. They did not inspire a great deal of hope.

At the federal level, what was not said was as impressive as what was said.

Imagine a president in 2004 not having a word to say about the condition of the environment. Hard to believe.

The governor’s effort did not really “take on” some of the hard issues before us, such as the need for fundamental tax reform in order to ward of a potentially devastating ballot initiative. Let’s hope that those quiet, closed-door negotiations with the Maine Municipal Association, the Maine Education Association and the state Chamber of Commerce will produce something significant.

We got into a spoofing mood as one often does in “Front Porch” conversations. Humor is the salve that makes it possible to go forward sometimes. Somebody asked the important question as to how the State of the Union was constructed as a speech.

We came up with the following outrageous scenario that is meant to be humorous. I hope it is.

We imagine President Bush (GWB) went over to political advisor Karl Rove’s (KR) office to have a conversation about the substance of the State of the Union. It went something like this.

GWB: Karl, good to see you. Hope you are having a good day. I thought we should have a conversation about the content of the State of the Union. Do you have time now?

KR: Well, I guess so. I am reviewing a number of polls right now, but they can wait.

GWB: I was thinking that this speech should be the opening salvo of the campaign.

KR: Mr. president, you need to stop thinking that way. Your whole presidency is about the campaign.

GWB: You’re right, of course. Just a slip of the tongue. But what about the speech?

KR: Do you have any ideas?

GWB: Well, we will certainly have to address the war. Maybe this is the time to back off a little bit from the twin themes of weapons of mass destruction and the ties between al- Qaida

KR: No! We need to stick with that through the end.

GWB: But we are getting hammered. They haven’t found any weapons, and there’s no evidence that Saddam and bin Ladin were in cahoots.

KR: Let them hammer us. It isn’t sticking as long as you keep hitting on the themes. The majority of the American people approve of your handling of the war. You simply cannot back off that. The key to your re-election is that you have served as an effective leader in war time. Americans stick with their presidents in war time. GWB: I think I need to take the offensive on the environment. We need to be more proactive.

KR: Not a word on the environment. We are vulnerable to the opposition on that. I know that 80 percent of Americans say they value the environment, but when it comes right down to it, elections are not won or lost on that issue. We should just avoid it. We are making good progress by rule changes and court settlements to turn back the environmental laws of the last half century. We do not want to shine any light on that issue.

GWB: I guess you are right. I can’t imagine what I was thinking. Well, I know you will want us to speak to the economic recovery.

KR: Now you are talking. We need to make it clear that we are in a very healthy recovery. We need to lead everybody to believe that the unemployment issue is on the cusp of being turned around – and it is all because of your policies. You want to be sure to ask that the tax cuts become permanent. That will speak volumes to our base of support, and we need to keep them on board. It is among the strongest suits we have, second only to the Iraq War and the War on Terrorism. Incidentally, we need to keep referring to the War on Terror and how we are winning it. It will be hard for the opponents to argue we are not. The good thing about that war is that it is not easy to be sure how it is going.

GWB: Should we say something about the deficit?

KR: We blame Congress for discretionary spending gone wild. We claim that we will send up a budget that will cut the deficit in half in five years.

GWB: But, Karl, we can’t do that.

KR: Doesn’t matter. We can say we are going to try and then we can blame the Congress if we don’t.

GWB: Looks like the speech is coming together.

KR: Don’t worry, we will give you a winner, and it will be carefully calibrated to reflect where the polls tell us we are strong. It is really just another political speech like the hundreds you have been giving since becoming president.

GWB: OK, Karl. But I insist on one thing.

KR: (Looking worried) What is that?

GWB: Remember, I want short, simple sentences – phrases, really – I do them best.

KR: Don’t worry, Mr. President, we always keep it simple.

This is the first effort at humor on “The Front Porch.” It may well be the last.

But one serious note. One of the great sources of leadership that a president has is the bully pulpit the office affords the occupant. The State of the Union is a significant moment when the president can use the bully pulpit to lead. Too bad so many president’s of both parties just use it to give another political speech.

Jim Carignan is a retired educator who lives in Harpswell. His e-mail address is [email protected].