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Staff Sgt. Nick Golding

10th Mountain Division, Fort Drum, N.Y.

Killed Feb. 13 while serving in Ghanzni, Afghanistan

Awarded a Bronze Star and Purple Heart
Remembering a soldier’s life and legacy
Heidi Golding shares memories of her husband, killed while serving in Afghanistan.
To fully understand a soldier’s heart, you must first look upon him openly and try to comprehend the decisions he must face.

A soldier is a man of honor, and his honor binds him to more than his wife and family. He is bound to his men, bound to his country, bound to protect those who can’t protect themselves.

You must share him with the rest of the world and sleep soundly at night under the blanket of freedom he provides. Men, women and all soldiers are dedicated to their country and families. They’re willing to put themselves in harms way to protect their loved ones, those they’ve never seen, even those who may never know what was sacrificed so they can exercise the freedoms they’re given by right of being American.

It has often times been confused with what my husband, Nick Goldi ng, wanted and what he felt obligated to in his heart after Sept. 11.

Firstly, he loved his children and me very much, and he was faced with the notion that he might not see our daughter, Bailey-Nichole, born.

He had to come to terms with the idea of leaving us because he knew the decision was out of his hands if he received the call to go to war.

Secondly, Nick had trained to defend our country against those who would cause us harm, and he was not a soldier who’d stand back and allow others to go to war without him. This was his job, and he protected everyone in this country and those closest to his heart.

When Nick received orders for Fort Drum, N.Y., we were thrilled because we wanted to move closer to home and go house hunting. I’m clarifying, though, that Nick’s name was picked specifically out of Schofield Barracks, Hawaii, because of his extensive experience and training, not because of any outside influence. It was but one week after his arrival to Fort Drum that we realized his early transfer from Hawaii was for the sole purpose of a further transfer to Afghanistan as part of Operation Enduring Freedom.

Nick’s earlier question had been answered: We would have to say goodbye and explain to our 4-year-old son, Christopher, why daddy wouldn’t be home for a long time. Nick was deployed for Afghanistan just three weeks before the birth of our daughter, Bailey-Nichole.

After a long day of running errands on Feb. 13, I came home and crossed out the day on the calendar, thinking “Today was a good day, Friday 13 isn’t so unlucky.” I turned on my radio and started dinner with my daughter playing in her walker, laughing at her mommy who was dancing in the kitchen. Christopher was running in and out of the kitchen until a loud knock caught my attention. I picked up my daughter and answered the door.

I was stunned when I saw two men in uniform at my front door and thought, “what did they want?” It only took two more seconds to realize why these men were dressed sharply in their class “A”s staring at me with solemn expressions.

“Mommy, look soldiers!”

Those words broke me from my trance and much of that night remains hazy.

All I could think of was to get my kids out of the house, and I frantically packed a bag for them so they could play with a close neighbor until I could pull myself together.

I cried to my mother on the phone, who panicked and immediately made plans to drive the 12 hours to Fort Drum.

Unfortunately, word had spread when my mother begged a friend to watch her house and feed her animals. I apologized to the rest of Nick’s family who found out about his death before the casualty group could reach them.

Nick and I had a wonderful seven years together, and I have to ask myself, “What do you do when you lose your partner for life?”

I have never felt so lost in my life and find my thoughts drifting to the honorable man I had promised to love forever.

Nick, a man who had stopped traffic to allow a retiree to cross the street after many cars rudely passed him by. Nick, who would open a door for another before himself, and assist anyone in need. This was Nick, this was the soldier who died on Feb. 13, and this is whom the world lost. Many will never know what a special contribution to life was gone.

Now, I’m drawn to the last place Nick and I were together, the last time we were a family and this binds me to Hawaii. We made the best of Hawaii, even though we were New Englanders at heart. Hawaii was paradise, after all, because those are where my last memories – my best memories – rest and I’m compelled to return for a short while until I’m ready to say goodbye to my husband, who was taken from me and his children.

Nick lost an innocence about him, an innocence that we all lose when we are faced with the reality of life and death. But during Nick’s last six months, he kept his smile and positive attitude, kept his pride for our country and all that we stand for.

He’d gaze at the stars, he’d tell me, and was amazed at all that was up there. We’d talk at 3 in the morning and make plans for all the things we would do when he came home.

He was a skilled soldier with a heart of gold, and he is mourned not only by us here at home, but by those he served with in Afghanistan, who still write to tell me stories about their comrade, their friend and his last days.

This is Nick’s memory, this is what will go on within ourselves and his children. This is what is important to remember.
Heidi Golding is the wife of Staff Sgt. Nick Golding, who was killed in Afghanistan Feb. 13. His story was featured in the March 28 Sun Journal.