Communities must take the journey of recovery together.
Editor’s note: The following is the last of four columns submitted by the Sexual Assault Crisis Center in observance of Sexual Assault Awareness Month.

We are survivors, too.

Male sexual abuse survivors are often an unmentioned, unrecognized and underserved population when the issue of sexual assault is raised.

One in six men will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime. And one in six boys will be sexually assaulted by the age of 16.

We are a large population in numbers, but only a small population when it comes to receiving services to recover from the impact of sexual assault. The impact of sexual assault of males is felt daily in our communities, workplaces and families. It is often the unspoken or unrecognized issue when dealing with problems of substance abuse, mental health, physical health, relationship issues, anger management, criminal behavior and other issues for men. The issue of sexual assault is not a safe topic for men to discuss.

It is past time to look at creating a safe climate for male sexual abuse survivors.

I believe that sexual assault needs to be addressed as a gender neutral issue. We need to acknowledge that sexual assault happens to both males and females and that survivors of sexual assault are in need of quality services to assist in their recovery regardless of their gender.

Great strides have been made in raising the awareness of our communities and promoting services for female survivors of sexual assault. We need to further expand that awareness and those services to male survivors.

Male survivors are just beginning to talk out about their sexual assault issues and experiences. It seems that male survivors are where female survivors were 25 years ago when it was not safe to talk about being a sexual assault survivor or to ask for services. We need to learn from the experiences of female survivors and expand those lessons to include males.

There are many social and cultural factors that inhibit males from coming forward to ask for help. Our society values the stereotype of a strong male who can protect himself or others. Men who express or show vulnerability are sometimes seen as less than real men. Males also may believe that if the secret of victimization is known, people will view them differently than before. Many male victims have had same-sex perpetrators. This often compounds the shame, quilt and anger that accompanies sexual assault. There is also the fear that should the facts of the sexual assault be known, the survivor will be looked at as homosexual. If the perpetrator is female, the incident is often downplayed as a rite of passage or somehow not as damaging. These and other factors contribute to the conspiracy of silence surrounding sexual assault.

There are also many myths that surround the sexual assault of males. Let’s take a look at some of those mistaken beliefs about male sexual assault.

Myth: Men can’t be sexually assaulted. Reality: Men are sexually assaulted. Any man may be sexually assaulted regardless of size, strength, appearance, age or sexual orientation.

Myth: Only gay men assault other men. Fact: The majority of men who sexually assault other men identify themselves as heterosexual. It is important to remember that sexual assault is about power and control and not about sexual satisfaction or attraction.

Myth: Men cannot be sexually assaulted by women. Reality: Women can be perpetrators as well. Female perpetrators can be mothers, relatives, baby sitters, teachers or others. Often when the perpetrator is a women, the impact is downplayed by professionals and the general public.

Myth: Male sexual assault is a rare occurrence. Reality: Approximately one of every six males will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime.

Myth: Sexual assault is not as damaging to a male as it is for a female. Reality: The impact is often the same, although it is often expressed differently in males. The major issues or impact in males seem to center on the areas of intimacy, sexual identity, substance abuse, mental health and anger management.

I have had the unique opportunity to have co-facilitated support groups for adult male sexual assault survivors for the last eight years. I truly marvel at the resiliency and strength of those males who have embarked on their journey of recovery. I am also saddened by the stories of lives spent dealing with the physical and emotional pain resulting from sexual assault.

Failed marriages or relationships, suicide attempts, drug and alcohol abuse, lost childhoods, feelings of isolation, shame and guilt are only part of the legacy of sexual assault victims. Stories of hope, opportunities for growth, personal healing and the joy of recovery are part of the unique gifts these sexual assault survivors have given to me.

Sexual assault is an issue that is difficult and uncomfortable for us to deal with both individually and as a community. It is a issue that impacts all of us in one way or another. I am asking for your assistance in making our communities a safer and welcoming place for all sexual assault survivors.

Let the road to recovery be one that we not only take as individuals, but one we take as communities and a society as well. I invite you to join me in that journey of recovery.

William Lowenstein is a member of the Board of Directors of the Sexual Assault Crisis Center. He has co-facilitated support groups for adult male sexual abuse survivors for the last eight years.

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