If you want proof, stop among the trees at the brown house with green shutters on Youngs Corner Road in Auburn.

Not that you’ll need my recommendation. The words scrawled in all capital letters in permanent marker on white posterboard will do a fine job stealing your attention.

Think! Think! B-4 You Vote For Bush

I do mean stop. This shady homestead sits at a treacherous bend in the road. Admiring the decor from behind the wheel of a moving vehicle could trigger traffic trouble more dangerous than any political agenda.

It’s worth the risk of strolling along the breakdown lane, however, for a smile or snarl.

Be afraid – Very afraid of George Bush

More than a week remains until October, when political signs become more plentiful than fallen leaves and discarded apple cores along the sides of Maine’s byways.

Until then, most communities restrict campaigns from spreading placards in the interest of aesthetics and voter sanity. But there’s little to stop ticked-off landowners from transforming their lawns into billboards, any time of year.

Especially when the signs are homemade.

Do you want to be screwed until you are totally blind? Then vote Bush-Cheney. 4 More Years of Hell

This Auburn self-proclaimed “Vet for Kerry” has decorated the mailbox, canvassed for your vote on the lawn and blanketed windows with happy thoughts about the president. The block letters are written primarily in black ink that has weathered the autumn rains nicely.

The posters make multiple, not-so-vague references to the current administration’s affinity with oil. Each time, the O’ is embellished with the three-pronged peace sign.

Selected words are retraced or underlined in red, for emphasis.

Bush – Cheney: Liars! Liars! Liars!

I approve this message’

Of course, neither wing has a monopoly on anger and creative use of household items.

Evidence for that sits on Route 196 in Topsham, hometown of property tax-cap crusader Carol Palesky. Stuck in the dirt at the end of a mobile home’s driveway is a yellow sign, fresh from the homeowner’s workshop.

The text is a hodgepodge of uppercase and lowercase letters:

#1 Vote for the Tax Cap

#2 Fire All Do-Nothing Legislators. They found a home there.

Added below: “I am Conrad, and I approve of this message.”

Having tried unsuccessfully to reach both parties, I’m only guessing that Conrad has pitched his tent at the opposite end of the political spectrum from his counterpart in Auburn.

As amateur pundits, though, they’re equally adept at blending clever and caustic.

So many grievances

When Auburn’s sign maker isn’t juxtaposing the candidates’ names in a witty quick-hitter (“Kerry Bush Back to Texas”) or indulging in convention-worthy couplets (“Bush lied, 1,000 died”), the writer’s Sharpie is making a case that’s much more specific.

Don’t vote for Bush-Cheney. No WMD’s. War of choice. All 9/11 hijackers lived in USA from (Saudi) Arabia. Economy sucks. No Child Left Behind a disaster.

Beneath that laundry list of grievances, our proponent of “peace” (as taped to the window) sinks to name-calling, labeling the current leader of the free world an “idiot,” “liar,” “cheat” and “stupid.”

Sure, it’s juvenile. But is it that far beneath the level of discourse heard from “mainstream” liberals and conservatives every day on talk radio?

You can bet some of those acerbic callers will be the same ones hammering stakes into the ground in about two weeks. They’ll adorn the countryside with signs supplied by a candidate or cause.

The signs will be glossy. They’ll be easy to read, eliminating the need for rubbernecking or turning on your hazard lights.

Pretty. Safe. But so boring by comparison.

Kalle Oakes is the Sun Journal’s staff columnist. His e-mail is koakes@sunjournal.com.

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