After writing this column for more than 15 years, all I have to show for it is a stupid T-shirt, which I designed with a Windows program called T-ShirtMaker Plus.

The program, which was simple enough for a guy who has never designed a stupid T-shirt, even includes a free adult T-shirt. So I’m all set, and you can be, too.

To start designing your stupid T-shirt, you can either choose from a wide selection of pre-made designs, or you can use templates to insert your own photos and text.

I happen to prefer a photo of my late standard poodle reclining on the sofa, but I also could have used family photos, Mona Lisa or a road map of North Dakota. You’re the boss.

You can do all kinds of crazy and creative things with text, borders and the like, and if you don’t like what you create the first time, just start over.

There are more than 2,500 templates and 20,000 clip art images, not to mention about 1,000 ways to enhance your text.

Once you’ve found the right design, you simply print it on your color ink jet printer on one of the five transfer papers that come with the program.

More transfer papers are available directly from Hanes, which makes the program.

After you’ve printed the transfer sheet, you simply iron it on to the T-shirt. I’m told that these designs won’t crack and will last through multiple washings.

People tell me that custom T-shirts are popular at family reunions, and for sports teams, grandparents (with a photo of their new grandchild, of course), special holidays and conventions of stupid T-shirt hobbyists.

The program isn’t confined just to T-shirts. You can also transfer designs to aprons, hats, chairs, school pennants, sweat shirts, jackets, mouse pads and just about anything you can press an iron to.

If I’ve made this sound simple, it’s because it’s just a matter of design (with lots of help), print and press.

And, if you see someone with a stupid smile wearing a T-shirt with the image of a sleeping poodle, you’ll know it’s me. Stop and say, “Hi, stupid.”

T-Shirt Maker Plus will run on Windows 98, 2000, Me and XP. For a copy, send $25, plus $5 for shipping, to WashingtonCD, P.O. Box 17356, Long Beach, CA 90807, or by credit card at www.washingtoncd.net or 800-395-7797.