Q My wife and I have been so busy caring for our newborn that we’ve haven’t had any time as husband and wife. I’d like to romance my wife and make her feel sexy all over again. Any suggestions?

A: Kudos to you for recognizing that your wife still needs to feel sexy in spite of her sleeplessness, late-night feedings, and the fact that she’s probably not feeling exactly like a Victoria Secret model right now. Here are some pointers that will go a long way toward putting the spice back into your relationship:

• Remember, women – even new moms – are still suckers for romance. Know her schedule, and when she’s winding down surprise her with a warm bath. Throw in some rose pedals. If you’ve got a rosebush or two in your garden, great. If not, a trip to your local grocery store will do. You can also try aromatherapy oils or bath products. Next, light the bathroom with candles and put on your favorite romantic songs.

• Bring her back to your wedding night. Dim the lights light some candles. Get down on your knees (just bear with me, okay?) and ask her to dance to “your song.” If you want to up your chances that she’ll be awake for this, spend some beforehand time helping her get caught up on all those things she usually has time to do only when the baby’s asleep.

• Date night. Ask her out on a date just like back in the good ol’ days. Pick a favorite restaurant or a new one you’ve talked about trying. Do all the “date-ish” things like pretending to pick her up, bringing her a corsage, nervously stealing a kiss at the end of the evening …

• Send her a bouquet of her favorite flowers for absolutely no reason at all.

• You don’t have to spend a ton of money to be romantic. Try leaving her little notes around the house. A card on her pillow telling her how much you love her or how beautiful she is will warm her heart. Be creative.

OK, back to the Victoria Secret model. The truth is that no matter what you do right now, your wife isn’t going to be feeling like one right now. She’s desperately trying to get back to the weight she was before the baby was born and buying her sexy lingerie at this time will make her feel worse – so don’t. Put away the catalogue and order her something when she’s feeling good about herself.

Armin Brott’s most recent books are “The New Father: A Dad’s Guide to the First Year, Second Edition” and “Father for Life: A Journey of Joy, Challenge, and Change.” You can reach him through his Web site at www.mrdad.com.


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