AUBURN – One parent of a teenage daughter reviled MTV as the “root of all evil.” Another parent wanted to know how to deal with sending two brothers who like to fight to their rooms when they share one room.
No one denies that parenting can be one of the most exhausting and difficult responsibilities anyone can face.
The 175 parents attending Advocates For Children’s 14th annual Parenting Matters Conference on Saturday asked many questions and found some affirmation that not everything they do will automatically result in years of therapy for their children when they become adults.
“It’s all about accountability and trust,” said Karen Pulkkinen, a single mom in Lewiston, who felt reassured after attending a workshop on dealing with teens. “Some of the best times that my daughter and I have are in the car on the way to school when we can just talk. There’s a lot of pressure on kids today. I’m mean, look at the exposure on MTV. Kids don’t need that kind of trash.”
Saturday’s daylong conference provided 30 workshops, said Betsy Norcross Plourde, director for Advocates for Children.
Other workshop topics included financial planning, literacy, gender and sexual issues, dealing with bullies, and special education needs.
Working parents, commute time, keeping up with the latest scientific research on child-rearing, divorce, and lack of sleep have contributed to exacerbating the already-difficult job of parenting, said Dr. William Wilkoff, the conference’s keynote speaker.
“We knew that having a child would be a life-changing experience,” said Michael Bigos, a lawyer in Lewiston, after listening to Wilkoff. “I feel reaffirmed for a lot of the things that we’ve tried to do.”
Bigos used to commute to his Lewiston office from Richmond but moved his family to Auburn to spend more time at home and fewer hours on the road.
His wife, a public health educator by profession, has chosen to give up her job and stay home with their 23-month-old son.
Overstimulation from organized activities and electronic entertainment coupled with sleep deprivation contribute to irritability, inability to focus, depression and more susceptibility to illness and injuries, said Wilkoff.
Parents do not need to entertain their children or turn them into baby Einsteins. Instead, kids need more unstructured, but supervised, playtime and definitely more sleep.
“When I was a kid, doing something I liked was a good time,” said Wilkoff, who has published four books on child-rearing topics. “Doing something I didn’t like was a bad time. But I don’t remember my parents ever promising me quality time’.”
Wilkoff also placed divorce high on the list of stress factors for kids.
The doctor drew a correlation between the introduction of the term “quality time” and the sharp rise in divorce rates.
While parents may find a way to agree on schedules and sleeping arrangements, that agreement may not be what’s best for the child, said Wilkoff. Then there’s the guilt and attempts to overcompensate for divorced or working parents’ lack of time with their children.
“When a parent says, No, I can’t have lunch with you today,’ then it becomes difficult, sometimes, for that same parent to say, No, you can’t stay up that late,'” said Wilkoff.
Some solutions offered by Wilkoff to make parenting a little smoother included arranging the family’s schedule around children’s sleep needs, spending fewer hours working and commuting, amending custody agreements, and making a stronger effort to prevent divorce.
Comments are no longer available on this story