April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month, dedicated to raising awareness about sexual assault and sexual abuse and its impact. It’s a daunting prospect considering this is an issue that many people don’t want to think about. Yet, an estimated 1 of every 3 females and 1 of every 6 males will experience sexual assault during their lifetimes. In fact, each person reading this column most likely has already been a victim, will become a victim or knows someone who has.

Isn’t it time we start doing something about it?

One way to eliminate sexual assault is to teach people how to protect themselves by using safety strategies and by recognizing and avoiding dangerous situations. Another is to teach people about the nature of consent, the importance of good communication and the characteristics of healthy, respectful relationships. And while that information is essential, it is only part of the picture.

The other part of the picture is you. You can help eliminate sexual assault by monitoring your own behavior and working to change the culture which allows rape to happen.

To begin with, never engage in sexual activity with another person unless you have that person’s clear consent. That means making sure they feel free to say “yes” or “no” and believe that their answer will be respected. It means making sure they are not too impaired by drugs or alcohol to give informed consent. It means not using fear, force, threats, isolation or exploitation to compel the other person. And it means stopping the action whenever the other person asks you to, no matter their reason. If everyone would adopt this rule, this column could end right here.

Teach your children the same rules. Teach them to say “no” clearly, and to remove themselves from a risky situation as soon as it appears risky. Teach them they must stop sexual activity when they hear “no.” Teach them to check it out before proceeding any further if they are confused or unsure of the consent. And teach them to safely intervene whenever possible if they see someone at risk of being hurt.

Understand how the media depict sexual violence and how that can affect us all. At the very least, media depictions of sexual violence normalize that behavior and desensitizes us to the real horror experienced by its victims. Think about the impact this can have on you and your family. Decide if sexual violence is a form of entertainment that you would welcome into your living room, and screen TV, movies, computer and video games accordingly.

Be aware of your own life and the people in it. What kinds of jokes are you hearing or telling? What kinds of rape-supportive (victim blaming) attitudes do you express or hear? Think about how you would feel if those jokes or comments were made about someone you love. Eliminate those comments or jokes from your conversation, and address them in others by stating your clear objection to them.

Most sexual assault is committed by a person known to the victim, so there may be an opportunity for you to intervene before it happens. You may see someone “putting the moves” on a person who is too young, too inexperienced or too drunk to understand what’s happening. Intervene by telling the person to back off or try to divert their interest to another activity. Or, offer to remove the other person from the situation by suggesting that you both go to the bathroom or other neutral place. Just moving that person to another part of the room or sticking close by can help to defuse a potentially dangerous situation.

If anyone you know is manufacturing or purchasing any of the drugs that are used to facilitate rape (GHB, ketamine, rohypnol), notify local law enforcement. If you see someone in a bar or at a party slipping a drug into someone’s drink, let the “target” know immediately before even a sip is taken, and then call the police. Be cautious about your own drinks, and never leave them unattended.

“But I don’t want to get involved …” We are often reluctant to get involved in things that don’t directly concern us, or that we perceive as dangerous. Yet we know that people who commit sexual assault generally look for someone who is vulnerable and can be easily overpowered. If someone else notices and intervenes, it can prevent the assault from occurring.

Sure, it takes guts. It takes awareness. It takes compassion. And don’t you hope that those are qualities possessed by the person in a position to intervene when you or someone you love may be in danger?

In the time it took you to read this column, one or two more people were sexually assaulted. And you can do something to stop it.

Marty McIntyre is executive director of the Sexual Assault Crisis Center in Auburn.

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