NORWAY – Pat Blackman sat with a mug of coffee at Butterflies and Ivy on Thursday, pointing out many improvements her daughter has made in the cafe – a new couch, homier decor and even the addition of cherry Peek-A-Boo bar cookies.
With Mother’s Day fast approaching, Blackman was reflecting on the relationship she shares with her daughter and how it has changed since they opened their first full-time business together in June.
“We had difficulty,” she said, referring to the first several months. “And I finally came to the realization that if my adult daughter was my business partner, I had to trust her to make decisions, and I had to let go.”
Challenges
The bonds between a mother and her daughter can be difficult enough to negotiate without the pressures of a new business. Neither Blackman nor her daughter, Amanda Basselet, was entirely prepared for what they would face as they opened the cafe.
For years, they had run a concession stand together at a fair.
But a fair, Basselet said when she arrived at the business Thursday, lasts eight to 10 days.
“Then you come here, and there’s no escape,” she said with an exasperated tone.
It took the pair more than six months to realize they needed to work different shifts, each taking breaks from the business and one another.
“Our relationship has gotten a lot better since she works three days and I work three days,” Blackman said with a laugh.
The challenge now is figuring out where the utensils are after one woman has run the cafe for a day and used the kitchen.
Rewards
For Blackman and Basselet, who said only that they were old enough to be mother and daughter, there is a new respect in their relationship. They’d both start a business together again, they said. “If we could start from the first of this year,” Basselet added quickly.
At Lola’s Boutique across the street, Lorrie Bean, 43, and her daughter Lalita Balkir, 25, have been working together since the business opened in August.
Balkir is in the process of selling her share of Pickalily, which is nearby. She made the decision to sell and join her mother in part because her son was approaching toddlerhood.
“I said, you know what, the owning part is a lot harder than the working-for-someone part, so I’m going to work for her,” Balkir recalled, looking over at Bean from her seat behind a desk in the shop’s office.
Bean said she and her daughter always have been close. When Balkir is in the shop, she said, she’s able to go chat with nearby business owners. She also gets to concentrate on the parts of the business that she enjoys, such as dealing with the clothing rather than the books.
Another plus for Balkir is the ability to watch her son in her mother’s shop.
“And it’s very much an advantage for me,” Bean added with a grin, looking toward her grandson.
Compromises
Deb Woolley, 52, and her daughter Dagny Lilley, 32, are as colorful as the skeins of yarn stacked in every nook and cranny of The Irish Ewe, a yarn and Irish goods shop that will open Friday.
“We can’t be in the same room,” Woolley said matter-of-factly as she unloaded a suitcase packed with fresh Irish chocolates on Thursday. She wasn’t kidding.
“We went on a trip to Pennsylvania, and we made it in two-and-a-half hours,” she said. “And that s because I took a nap.”
Lilley has kids, so the shop will both give her a chance to escape and also to bring her children to work when need be.
Like Bean and Balkir, the pair has divvied up the shop responsibilities.
“She’s going to do the day-to-day running of the shop,” Woolley said. “I’m going to do the buying.”
There are more minor compromises the two will be making as well. Woolley wants Irish music to be played in the shop at all times.
“Oh, the music,” Lilley began.
Woolley happily confessed the issue had resulted in a knock-down, drag-out fight. “The bottom line is,” she concluded, “she sees me coming – she’s going to flick on the (Irish) CDs.”
Fortunately, Woolley is serious about her responsibilities as a buyer. As of Thursday, she hadn’t seen her daughter in weeks because she been on a purchasing trip in Ireland.
Woolley had plans to leave town again Thursday night for the next purchasing excursion.
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