A mere few years ago, Britney Spears was an angelic (if hyper-sexualized) teenage pop star with a thriving career. But these days, anyone with an Internet connection or access to Us Weekly can behold the twice-married tabloid magnet’s frequent fondness for traipsing into public restrooms barefoot, cigarette hanging out of her mouth.

The devolution of Spears from triumph to trash has been nothing short of fascinating. And it has gotten even better – or worse, depending on your perspective – since she married one-time backup dancer and perennial skeeve Kevin Federline last September.

Of course, when the pair began dating more than a year ago, Federline already had a girlfriend: “Moesha” star Shar Jackson. And she just happened to be hugely pregnant with his second child at the time.

Perhaps because they are the most generous people on the planet – or just the most deluded about the romantic value of these scurrilous events – Spears and Federline have decided to share the documentation of their Jane Austen-worthy courtship with the general public.

UPN will broadcast the first of a handful of episodes of “Britney and Kevin: Chaotic,” a reality show that cobbles together home videos shot by the no-doubt cinematic virtuosos themselves. The rough footage is sure to be a far cry from the sugary, slickly produced superficiality of “Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica.” It will also be augmented by new interviews of the Federlines – although it’s doubtful recent developments, such as Spears’ long-rumored and finally confirmed pregnancy, will be addressed.

Unfortunately, at press time UPN had not made a preview tape of the inaugural episode available. But we’re reasonably certain “Chaotic” is going to be one of the most deliriously, brilliantly awful reality shows since “Married by America.” Because if you consider the gossip about Spears and Federline that transpired over the same period of time captured by the show, it’s impossible not to imagine the behind-the-scenes events being even more compelling. (Consistently magnificent Web sites including Defamer.com and TheSuperficial.com must be credited for their meticulous archiving of this news.)

• June: The first engagement rumors break, quickly followed by news that Spears is pregnant and will spawn by Christmas. The latter is proved false, but she does talk to People about her five-carat engagement ring – which she paid for herself. Also, on that 55-hour marriage to her childhood friend, Jason Alexander: “That (quickie Vegas wedding) thing was a total ugh. I was not in love at all.”

• July: A series of photos, still readily available online, captures Spears and Federline engaging in rather risque behavior on a hotel balcony.

• August: Rumors fly that a quickie wedding has transpired, but it turns out Spears had merely donned a wedding gown to shoot the video for her remake of Bobby Brown’s “My Prerogative.” Apparently she’s exhausted from all the dressing up, as more “Britney barefoot walking into gas station bathroom” photos surface.

• September: The hotly anticipated wedding finally happens. In a show of unparalleled class, sweat suits emblazoned with “pimp” and “ho” are involved. Later that month, Spears, attired in an alien mask, throws milkshakes at paparazzi.

• October: Spears posts a long-awaited, self-proclaimed “Letter of Truth” on her personal Web site. It says absolutely nothing of interest at all.

• November: Pregnancy rumors fly, and are bolstered by Spears penning another online missive in which she speaks of wanting to “start a family” with her “fine hubby.”

More recently, we’ve been treated to a Federline profile in Details that redefined “inarticulate”; Spears lashing out at “false tabloids” for claiming she was pregnant (which, it turns out, she is); and the mother-to-be insisting that from now on she is only going to express her personal life “through art.”

“Art,” it turns out, means “reality television.”

“Can you handle my reality?” Spears asks in the commercials for the show. Oh, yes, please.


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