DEAR ABBY: I recently received a modest inheritance. My husband and I are about 10 years from retiring. The money is just enough to put away for a secure retirement, not enough for a lavish lifestyle.

The problem is my mother-in-law, “Vera.” She is 70, healthy and active. She manages very well in her paid-for home. Vera has now begun looking at assisted-living communities that, for a hefty monthly rent, provide chef- prepared meals in a dining room, activities and transportation. She’s assuming that my husband and I will pay this rent, since we are now “wealthy” in her estimation.

Abby, if we take on this responsibility, the money will be spent by the time we retire, and Vera will still need to pay her rent. I never discussed this inheritance with my mother-in-law. It came from my side of the family and is really not her business. We didn’t brag or start making showy purchases.

My husband feels as I do about putting it aside for retirement, but we’re both stumped about how to handle his mom. Have you any suggestions? – “THE HEIRESS” IN UPSTATE N.Y.

DEAR “HEIRESS”: Before your mother-in-law’s fantasy about dwelling on easy street becomes any more grandiose, you and her son must schedule a reality session with her. If she’s planning on upgrading her lifestyle from what it is now, she should first consult her CPA or financial planner to make sure her assets will cover the cost. It may be a rude awakening for the lady, but better now than later.



DEAR ABBY: I’m in a real bind. I have an employee who decides on her own hours even when a schedule is posted every month. Some days, she doesn’t show up for work at all, and other times she leaves before her shift is over.

When I confront her about it, she gets angry and threatens me with, “I’m going to phone Labor Standards on you!” Can she be fired for this kind of behavior? – IGNORED IN CANADA

DEAR IGNORED: Here in the United States, it is recommended that the matter be handled by calling the employee in, reminding her of the posted work schedule, and “counseling” her that she must be at work during work hours. Afterward, a memo – signed or initialed by the employee – would be placed in her employee file. If this doesn’t remedy the situation and the woman is still noncompliant, there would be grounds for dismissal, and the Labor Board would probably agree the dismissal was justified.

Because I am not familiar with the law in Canada, I urge you to discuss the matter with someone familiar with labor law there.



DEAR ABBY: When we’re together, my middle-aged daughter insists on talking about her mother, from whom I’ve been divorced for many years. Our daughter always mentions her in a caring way, as if it really mattered to me what’s going on in my ex-wife’s life. I should point out that the divorce was a bitter one for all parties.

My daughter isn’t happy that I don’t show an interest in her mother. I have tried to explain why I feel the way I do, but she keeps saying, “She IS my mother!” What’s your take on this, please? – PERPLEXED IN CACTUS COUNTRY

DEAR PERPLEXED: Your daughter is either insensitive to your feelings, or she’s trying to drum up some interest on your part regarding her mother. The next time she tells you, “She IS my mother,” tell her, “Well, she’s no longer my wife — so please stop inflicting her on me” and change the subject.



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