DEAR ABBY: I have a close friend I’ll call “June,” who was married to a man named “Jeff” who lied to her. He was an elder in the church for several years and is retired from the military.

It all started when Jeff had a stroke. He told June he needed to set up a bank account for her in case he had another one, but he kept putting it off. So June went on the Internet to research some information to make it happen, and got the shock of her life. She learned that Jeff is still married to his previous wife. She contacted the pastor and they confronted him; Jeff denied everything. (June has since gotten an annulment.)

The house belongs to June, but Jeff refuses to leave. He stalks her. Everywhere she goes, he shows up. He keeps telling her she’s going to have him in her life whether she likes it or not. She tries to ignore him, but he constantly approaches and confronts her.

Now the pastor is trying to get them back together. When she says she wants nothing to do with him, the pastor tells him she’s being “uncooperative.”

June took the legal route. A judge has ordered Jeff to pay off June’s student loans, which he hasn’t done. He still hasn’t moved out of the house, and his boss thinks they’re still married. What should she do in this situation? Sell the house? Or get a restraining order? – CONFUSED IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR CONFUSED: June should inform her attorney that the bigamist she married is flouting the judge’s directive. Then she should do as her lawyer instructs – including selling the house and taking out a restraining order if that’s what her legal counsel advises. And if that doesn’t solve her problem, your friend may have to relocate to another community because the man may be dangerous.



DEAR ABBY: My 11-year-old daughter, “Courtney,” is 5-foot-1 and weighs 143 pounds. I have been working with her on losing weight. In the meantime, she asked me if she could go into cheerleading. I was skeptical, but was talked into letting her try out.

At the first practice, the coach emphasized that the girls were a “team” and were to all get along. I thought, “Good! Maybe they’ll accept her.”

We have had only one practice, and two people have come up to me and told me that a lot of the girls on the squad are saying Courtney is too fat to be a cheerleader. This really hurt my feelings. My daughter cries every day because the girls treat her differently. She knows she’s overweight, and has been working so hard to lose it that it has become a major issue in our household.

I’m afraid this will scar her and she’ll become bulemic over it. Should I pull her out and give in to those so-called thin “perfect” girls who are talking badly about her? Or should we prove that she can do it, too? I have lost sleep over this. – SLEEPLESS IN ILLINOIS

DEAR SLEEPLESS: Girls your daughter’s age can be extremely cruel and cliquish. Talk to Courtney’s cheerleading coach and tell her what you have learned. Ask her if your daughter is able to perform as well as her teammates. If the answer is yes, she should remain on the team. If she isn’t, then help her find another form of exercise she can do while she works on her weight issues. Ballet, gymnastics and martial arts would give her grace, balance, flexibility and confidence, and help her burn calories until she’s ready to rejoin the squad.



Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in “What Every Teen Should Know.” To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)