DEAR ABBY: My husband and I recently suffered through our second miscarriage. We hadn’t told anyone about the pregnancy because telling everyone about our loss the first time was so painful. We did, however, tell our parents. My mother proceeded to call all of her sisters, etc., even though I told her we didn’t want anyone to know in case it happened again.

The same week I miscarried, I received a baby shower invitation from my cousin (my mother’s niece). Attending a baby shower right now is the last thing I want, but I was planning on sending a gift. Mother accused me of being “selfish” and said I need to “get over it” because, “Everyone has miscarriages.” She also threatened that no one will come to my shower one day.

How could someone, especially my mother, be so insensitive to my feelings? Am I supposed to sit at the shower and be tormented just so I’m physically present? Right now, I’m extremely disappointed, angry, embarrassed and afraid there may be something wrong with me. We’re presently awaiting lab results.

If I someday do have a shower, I hope no one will attend only for the sake of pleasing someone else. Your thoughts, please. – BROKEN-HEARTED IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR BROKEN-HEARTED: Your mother’s remarks were grossly insensitive, and they were also a demonstration of how ignorant she is about the problem you’re experiencing. Many people are completely unaware of how emotionally devastating it is when couples who want a baby are unable to produce one. Every monthly cycle brings with it the emotions you have so aptly described.

As to whether you should attend the baby shower, call your cousin and explain to her what has been going on. I’ll bet she knew nothing about your loss when the invitation was sent, and will understand your absence. You have my deepest sympathy, and I pray that one day soon your dream of motherhood will be fulfilled.

DEAR ABBY: I am 10 and live with my parents, my sister, my grandmother, my aunt and my 6-year-old cousin, “Nina.” (Don’t ask – it’s a long story.)

Nina doesn’t have brothers or sisters. Her parents are separated. She and her mom are always fighting, and Nina is almost always crying. She really needs help. Nina almost lost her memory because my sister pushed her and she fell and hit her head on a metal bar.

I can’t stand the crying anymore. It’s driving me crazy. I need advice, and you I can trust. Please help us. – LOYAL 10-YEAR-OLD, MESQUITE, TEXAS

DEAR LOYAL 10-YEAR-OLD: When three generations – plus extended family – live under one roof, there are bound to be tensions. I admire you for spending time with your little cousin, trying to make things better for her. However, you are only 10, and the entire responsibility shouldn’t be on your young shoulders.

Please show this letter to your parents and tell them you wrote it. Your aunt is going through a difficult time right now, but she shouldn’t be taking her unhappiness out on her child. If there are supervised activities that would get you and Nina out of the house, together and individually, it would do you both a world of good. And if your parents can step in and convince Nina’s mother to get some help, it could change the atmosphere around your house for the better for all of you.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.