DEAR ABBY: I recently learned that my parents still have a videotape of my first wedding. I was married to that louse for a miserable four months. Several years later I met and married my present husband, a sweet guy. We have been together for 10 years and have three beautiful children.

I have asked my mother to destroy the tape, but she refuses. She says she keeps it because several of the wedding guests on the tape are now deceased. I would love to see those deceased relatives again, Abby, but not that cursed wedding. And I certainly don’t want my children to see it. What should I do? – DISMAYED IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR DISMAYED: Your mother’s reason for keeping the tape seems logical. Stay calm, and ask her to please not share it with your children. That’s a reasonable request. When the time comes that your mother joins the relatives on the tape, you can dispose of the “evidence” of your youthful mistake without causing a family feud.



DEAR ABBY: I am a divorcee of one year who has only recently started dating after a severely broken heart and pocketbook. I was married 19 years and had never dated anyone besides my former husband. Dating is confusing and difficult for me. It’s hard to decide who to date or if it’s worth it. It definitely isn’t like choosing a meal from a menu – men are tricky characters.

I have been seeing one guy steadily. I’ll call him “Chad.” We are intensely in love. Chad wants to devote all of his time to me. He had lots of hobbies before he met me, but he has dropped all of them. He gets jealous about any time I spend with my friends. Chad says he doesn’t need friends, and implies that I shouldn’t either.

My friends are dear to me, and some of them are lifelong. I don’t mind spending lots of time with Chad, but I’m not going to completely neglect my friends. How can I get this point across to him, or should I move on? – DATING DILEMMA IN ARKANSAS

DEAR DATING DILEMMA: Pushing for a quick involvement and trying to isolate the partner from his/her friends are usually a tip-off that the “pusher” is insecure. They are also warning signs of a potential abuser. If you continue to date this man, he will alienate your friends to the point that you will have nobody but him. I recommend that you move on.



DEAR ABBY: Is there any rule of etiquette when it comes to approaching a stranger’s baby? My friend, “Alicia,” was holding my 3-month-old daughter, “Kimberly,” while we were in a store. A friend of hers came over and asked to hold the baby. When Alicia said she should ask Mom, the friend said Alicia was holding the baby and took Kimberly without asking me first. This made my husband and me uncomfortable and angry. We took Kimberly from Alicia’s friend and left very upset.

This is our first child, and it is our job to protect her. We feel we should be in control of who holds our baby. Your thoughts, please. – CHRIS IN FINDLAY, OHIO

DEAR CHRIS: There is a rule of etiquette: No one should touch a baby without the mother’s permission. Your reaction was a normal one. The woman who took your daughter from your friend’s arms without permission had a lot of nerve.



Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order “How to Have a Lovely Wedding.” Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)