If you are looking for it, you can find relationship advice and wisdom in all kinds of places.
I found an important piece of relationship advice recently while watching a “Friends” rerun.
Monica and Chandler, now a married couple, are talking in their kitchen. Just in case you are not familiar with the show, Monica is a neat freak bordering on obsession.
Chandler, feeling a wee bit amorous, sweeps everything off the kitchen table, and with a come hither look, motions for Monica to climb up on the table so they can make love.
Monica responds with this great line:
“Chandler! Making a mess to get me in the mood!?! C’mon, know your audience!”
I think that is great relationship advice, especially for long-term relationships.
Once a couple has been together for a while, each person begins to develop a database on the other. If they are paying attention. Sometimes that is a big if.
We so often act like we have no knowledge or experience of the other person, and then are stunned when things don’t go well.
Part of sustaining a long-term relationship it becoming an expert on at least one other person in the world beside yourself.
It’s also a great definition of love.
“There is a time in the life of every problem when it is big enough to notice and yet still small enough to easily solve.”
I had a couple come in today that really impressed me. Things are going fairly well in the relationship, though they both have noticed a few things that are getting in the way.
Instead of waiting until things got worse or someone was ready to leave, they came in to get these issues out of the way now.
This couple gets the “way cool smart couple” award of the week! (As you might have guessed, I just now made up this award.)
Are there small cracks in the happiness of your relationship? Why wait until the cracks become crevasses? Although I believe it is never too late to fix a marriage if both people want to, there does seem to be a “point of no return” in terms of how hard it is to repair distance.
Take action now to get the support you need.
Jeff Herring, MS, LMFT, is a marriage and family therapist. E-mail him at jeffherringmail.com or visit his Web site at jeffherring.com.
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