DEAR ABBY: My widowed father recently married a woman I’ll call “Millie.” The wedding was held at Millie’s home. Of the 20 or so guests in attendance, the only single adult was my younger sister, “Kim.”

The ceremony was beautiful, the food was delicious, and everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves when, out of nowhere, three of Millie’s friends asked for everyone’s attention. They then announced that instead of the bride tossing her bouquet, they had decided to just present it to Kim! Most of the guests laughed, and Kim played along, but I could tell she was upset. These friends went on to say something like, “Don’t worry, Kim, you won’t be single forever – your turn will come someday!”

Abby, my sister is a brilliant, beautiful, very successful attorney in a well-known law firm in a large city. But because she doesn’t have a man in her life, she was “singled” out and teased in front of a group comprised mostly of strangers. She held it together through the party, but wept openly to me afterward. She felt humiliated, and worse than that, like some kind of failure.

As it turns out, it was Millie’s idea to give Kim the bouquet and make it a “funny” display. Kim was incredibly hurt and no longer wants much to do with our new stepmother. I don’t want to get in the middle, but I feel if I told Millie why Kim is being distant, she’d most likely apologize.

Should I stick my nose in or leave it alone? Are we overreacting? Any advice would be appreciated. – NOT AMUSED SISTER IN VERMONT

DEAR SISTER: Your stepmother’s “joke” was insensitive and not particularly funny. (When will people learn that humor at other people’s expense is hurtful?) I agree that your sister is owed an apology. By all means tell Millie about the pain her thoughtless gesture caused. The alternative would be to let the situation fester until there is either an explosion or total estrangement.



DEAR ABBY: When I was 14, I was bulimic for a while. I was able to stop on my own and my parents never knew about it. Eventually my parents figured out that I was depressed and suicidal, and I was put on Prozac.

A couple of weeks ago, my mom saw some cuts on my hips. I told her it was the only time I had ever done it, but I lied. I have been doing it for several months.

I don’t know what’s going on with me lately. I used to be able to write all the time. The words just haven’t been flowing like they used to, and it’s sort of scaring me. I told my psychologist about it, and he told me I need to find a new outlet for my stress besides cutting. The problem is, I don’t want a new outlet. I just want to be able to write again. Any advice you have for me would be greatly appreciated. – SCARED IN STACY, MINN.

DEAR SCARED: Think back for a moment. Did your writer’s block start after you began taking the Prozac? If so, ask your therapist whether the Prozac could have caused it. As helpful as antidepressants can be for some people, it sometimes takes a while to find which drug works best for an individual.

Of one thing I am certain. Cutting is not the solution to your problem. Communicating honestly with your parents and your therapist will take you a lot farther a lot faster. Conquering your illness – and that’s what depression is – will take a joint effort on the part of all of you. Please do not allow fear to slow your progress. The antidote to fear is faith.



Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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