Maine is changing. I don’t know whether to blame it on the Democrats who have been running the show here for the past 30 years, or simply attribute it to a society whose values have gotten off track.

A recent article in my local newsapaper reported that Bangor had been listed in a new book about America’s most desirable relocation spots. As a native Bangorian who liked it enough to spend most of a lifetime nearby, I still thought that that literary enticement was a little much. There were a couple of points the article didn’t mention: 1) Maine has the highest per capita tax burden on its citizens of any state in the country 2) Among the other states, we are No. 1 for health problems and health insurance costs 3) Our employment picture is bleak and in a number of Maine counties welfare is the major employer.

Still, the hunting and fishing are great (if you don’t count grouse and deer hunting in Washington County.) We have native wild brook trout, lots of moose, bear and turkeys, and the eagle has made a robust comeback.

With so many mills closed down and a national park on the horizon, we really need to get our tourism business cooking. To do this right, we need to take a sober inventory of what we have to offer as a recreational mecca of the Northeast. First things first. We need to be honest, brutally candid with ourselves and those who plan to visit Maine next summer. Professional public relations consultants will tell you that when it comes to product promotion, honesty is the best policy.

Honestly, here is what we need to do.

No. 1 recommendation: Change the turnpike sign in Kittery that proclaims “Maine – The Way Life Should Be.” I suggest something along these lines: “Maine – The Way Life Should Be If You Bring A Sack of Greenbacks With You.”

Maine’s Visitor’s Bureau in Augusta should consider revising our state symbols, too. I mean Chickadee is our state bird, for gosh sake. You hardly see them anymore. The double-crested cormorant would be more in keeping with the real Maine. These federally protected rats with wings have taken over our coastal estuaries. They plunder our Atlantic salmon stocking programs and have migrated as far north as Moosehead Lake.

I’d change the state insect from a honeybee to a black fly and the state cat from coon cat to a cougar, which is being sighted more and more frequently.

And as a tribute to Maine’s growing legion of “bucket stockers,” who are putting non-native fish in our lakes and ponds, go with the flow, dude.

Change the state fish. The landlocked salmon served us well over the years, but now muskies and pike are taking center stage.

Either of these toothy predators would spice up the symbol montage. Speaking of predators, let’s replace the state animal: drop the “majestic” moose and elevate the lowly coyote. Now that the coyotes are protected by Fish and Wildlife Commissioner Martin from damage control snarers and are multiplying, don’t they deserve to be recognized?

Our state quarter proudly boasts the image of a working lighthouse. Not many of these anymore. How about a simple etching of Hollywood Slots, a new Bangor casino? Oh, yes, the state tree. Eastern White Pine. There was a day in Thoreau’s time, but mostly what we have now in our new- growth clearcuts are thousands upon thousands of beech whippets. Beech whippets for state tree.

That leaves the state seal, the state flower and the state berry. Blue Berries are great in pies, but Maine’s most plentiful berry now is the wild raspberry. Just ask Maine’s burgeoning black bear population. In our vast clearcuts, wild raspberry bushes – between the beech whippets- as far as the eye can see!

And pine cones for state flower? In your dreams. You gotta have pines to have cones. How about milfoil, which is invading our southernmost lakes, or maybe the ever-popular marijuana plant that pops up in some of the most unexpected places? Replacing the state seal is the most difficult, but doable. I’d suggest keeping the basic design but replacing the farmer and sailor with Senators Susan Collins and Olympia Snowe. I’d put Snowe on the left. The pine tree and moose could be updated with a beech whippett and bushy-tailed coyote. Keep the word Maine, but in the middle of the state seal, where its says ” Dirigo,” substitute “L.L. Bean.”

Some of you may think that this is far fetched or even a sacrilege, but remember. We have already begun the process. Our revisionist state legislature has already tampered with our emblematic history and established precedent by changing perfectly good names. Squaw Mountain in Greenville is now called Moose Mountain. Nobody likes the name, nobody uses it, and nobody knows where the heck Moose Mountain is, but the change made somebody feel good.

It’s all about changing times. So let’s get at it.

The author is editor of the Northwoods Sporting Journal. He is also a Maine Guide, co-host of a weekly radio program “Maine Outdoors” heard Sundays at 7 p.m. on The Voice of Maine News-Talk Network (WVOM-FM 103.9, WCME-FM 96.7) and former information officer for the Maine Dept. of Fish and Wildlife. His e-mail address is [email protected].