DEAR ABBY: Please tell me if I’m going crazy. My husband of 30 years recently admitted that he enjoys wearing my undergarments! At first I was shocked, but now I am over it. We went shopping together and bought him several pairs of panties and a couple of nightgowns. He was in seventh heaven.

Our sex life has never been better and we really are enjoying each other – but still I wonder. – MIXED UP IN FLORIDA

You are not the first wife who has helped her husband cross-dress, and you won’t be the last. He is a transvestite – someone who enjoys wearing clothing that is traditionally worn by the opposite sex. Because your sex life has “never been better” and you are “really enjoying each other,” my advice is to stop “wondering” and appreciate that after 30 years of marriage your husband finally trusted you enough to show you who he really is.

DEAR ABBY: My 6-year-old grandson, “Andy,” was “Daddy’s boy” before his father and my daughter divorced. Now “Andrew” (the father) refuses to see Andy or even call him by name. I asked Andy if he misses his daddy a lot, and he nodded yes. It’s overwhelmingly sad.

Distance isn’t the problem. It’s that Andrew has remarried and has a new son. Andy was named after his father; his new brother was given the same name!

I don’t understand why Andrew is so cruelly punishing the boy. Andy has questions about the father he loves that we can’t answer, and a brother he has never seen.

I hope Andrew will change his mind. He wants no contact with Andy or our side of the family, but I hope the rest of the family will stay in touch with the boy. My grandson needs all of his relatives even more now that his father chooses to be out of his life.

Abby, please print this so Andrew’s family will know they are wanted and needed, not to take sides or to judge, but to love a child who is theirs, too. – CONCERNED GRANDMA

Your former son-in-law’s actions are very revealing. They illustrate how shallow his commitment was to his firstborn child. In case your former in-laws miss seeing this letter, call them and tell them exactly what you’ve told me.

If the paternal grandparents choose not to continue their relationship with Andy, you and your daughter should seriously consider enlisting a male relative from your side of the family to spend some time with the boy.

If that’s not possible, consider Big Brothers, an organization that provides caring volunteers willing to become mentors and give of their time and friendship. To contact a chapter near you, write: Big Brothers Big Sisters of America, 230 N. 13th St., Philadelphia, PA 19107; or visit

DEAR ABBY: I am thinking about trying something unusual, and I would like your opinion. I am a divorced mother of two who is fortunate to have an excellent relationship with my ex-husband and his wife. We all believe that the children come first.

For many reasons, I believe the best arrangement may be for all of us to live together. I have found a house with a lovely remodeled basement with a separate entrance. I could live there, and my ex and his wife could have the upstairs. We would not have to venture into each other’s space unless invited, but the children would have easy access to all of us.

Obviously, there are details to work out, but we think we are all mature enough to handle them. Have you ever heard of this working? – L.C. IN MISSOURI

No, I haven’t. What you’re contemplating would require an unusual degree of maturity and civility, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be done. However, I can’t help but wonder what might happen if you brought another man into the equation. Would everyone be as comfortable then?

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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