We’re not here to judge. Nope, not us. We’re just impartial observers of fashion’s ever-shifting winds of change. So hold on to your hats as we explore five recent trends that have left us feeling tousled.

Target Couture

It’s hip, it’s cheap, it has dish detergent on sale next to Isaac Mizrahi work separates. For those reasons and more, we love Target. But do we love it enough to spend $330 on a cashmere hoodie emblazoned with the store’s logo? Jaye Hersh hopes so. The owner of Intuition boutique in Los Angeles collaborated with several designers to come up with a line of Target Couture clothing and accessories, all decorated with the famous red bull’s-eye. Jeans for $140. A canvas tote for $115. Don’t look for this stuff at Target, though. It’s available only at Hersh’s boutique or her Web site, shopintuition.com.

Bike shorts

You’ve probably noticed that leggings are once again upon us. You’ve probably greeted this news with one of two reactions: “Yes! I loved those things in the ’80s! When are shoulder pads mounting a comeback?” or “Egad! Skinny jeans aren’t bad enough? Now I’m expected to wear actual spandex?” Message T-shirts

It’s hard to remember a time before message T-shirts existed. But didn’t they once exist to relay actual messages? You know, like “Save the Whales” or “Free Mumia”? The new movement afoot among T-shirt messengers seems to be: Let’s celebrate consumption! I saw a woman recently in an “I ‘Heart’ Handbags” tee. Is it time to declare spending our new national pastime?

Zip-ankle jeans

Remember tug, tug, tugging your severely tapered jeans over your feet and ankles and being so relieved when the denim gods invented jeans that zipped at the ankle to allow both easy dressing and ultimate ankle tightness? Well, the Gap is selling a pair of skinny fit zip jeans for $58 this season. If you dug them then, you can dig them again.

Leotards

We can blame Madonna for this one. At least that’s what the fashion writers are doing. The Material Girl is sporting a purple leotard on her latest tour, and now it seems the rest of us are being given the opportunity to do the same. Now if we can just get our hands on Madonna’s personal trainer.