I write in response to the recent flap ovah the discovery of “The Beast” in Turnah.

As Maine’s chief unregistered Maine Guide, I am very likely the absolute least-qualified person in our great state to comment on the circumstances surrounding the events in Turnah. But, since it hasn’t prevented others from expressing their views, here goes.

Since I’m untrained, unofficial, unregistered and entirely uninformed (which makes me wicked ill-prepared), I’m pretty certain (and this was confirmed by a colleague from Caratunk) that the beast arrived on a flying saucer (a UFO) and that he/she/it simply stopped for gas in Turnah. He/she/it unfortunately got into a disagreement with a beagle and a spaniel. Slurs were traded, a fight ensued and, when the dust settled, he/she/it had succumbed, the UFO had left, and we are left to sort out the details.

Well, that’s my story, and I’m stickin’ to it.

Gary Crocker, West Gardiner