What: The Colby Fund Memorial Walk

When: Oct. 15. Registration at 9 a.m. Walk begins at 10 a.m.

Where: 2.2 miles from St. Mary’s Regional Medical Center to Central Maine Medical Center and back. Includes a release of memorial balloons.

Questions: Phone 212-9528 or 851-6029. E-mail babyalligatortears@yahoo.com

Support group meets the third Tuesday of Each month, rotating between CMMC and St. Mary’s Regional Medical Center. The next meeting will be at 7 p.m. Oct. 17 at St. Mary’s.

Support group offers solace to grieving parents

Leanne Langlois and her husband had everything ready for their baby boy. A nursery decorated with alligators. A closet full of clothes and toys. The perfect name: Colby.

But seven months into her pregnancy, Langlois lost the baby. Colby died before he was even born.

Family members couldn’t truly understand Langlois’ situation. The closest support groups were an hour or more away. Losing the baby was heartbreaking enough. Without support, grieving was even harder.

“I didn’t want anybody else to go through that, not having anybody to talk to,” Langlois said.

With friend Tammy Brule, who suffered her own miscarriages years before, Langlois trained to lead a bereavement group. Soon after, the pair started Sharing Through Experience, a Lewiston-Auburn group for parents whose children died during pregnancy, during birth or in infancy.

“Having experienced that gives us such a connection. It allows us to heal; we understand,” said Brule, a St. Mary’s Regional Medical Center obstetrical/gynecology medical assistant. She helps run the support group and puts together special memory boxes, complete with footprints, photos and other keepsakes, for newly grieving parents at the hospital.

Now just over two years old, Sharing Through Experience educates local hospitals about the emotional devastation parents face. It established a memorial garden and a memorial wall at St. Mary’s Regional Medical Center. It recommends community resources and it administers The Colby Fund, which helps parents with funerals and other expenses.

“It’s hard to pay for a baby that’s not here,” Langlois said.

But Sharing Through Experience’s biggest draw is the monthly support group. Approximately 30 to 35 men and woman have gone through the group since it was founded in 2004. Some of them struggle with recent deaths, while others deal with a loss years old. Some meet with the group until they get pregnant again, while others stay long after they have children.

Many arrive heartbroken, devastated over a miscarriage that occurred just months or weeks into a pregnancy.

“Some people might not understand that. The people in the group do,” Langlois said.

Lynn Boothby and her husband became the first group members after they lost their daughter, Emma, through a miscarriage. The Boothbys, who live in Bethel, were driving nearly two hours to get to a Portland support group. Then they learned about Sharing Through Experience.

“At that point we were just so in need of support,” Boothby said.

The once-a-month meetings connected them with local people going through similar grief. It gave them a chance to talk about their loss without hearing platitudes like “You can always have more children.”

The Boothbys stayed with the group until they had son Jack, now 14 months old. They still return every year for The Colby Fund fundraising walk. At the end of the walk, they release a memorial balloon for Emma.

“It’s very healing,” Boothby said.

Over the years, Sharing Through Experience has helped dozens of people, including the two women who started it all.

“It’s helped me heal myself,” Langlois said.

Eight months after losing Colby, Langlois started a second difficult pregnancy. This one had a happy ending. Baby Ally is now 17 months old.

Years after her miscarriages, Brule has not had children.

“The biggest question is always ‘Why me?'” said Brule. “You just know there’s a reason why this happened, and maybe my reason is to help others.”

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