Here are some ways that I have learned from children.

• Children care about pain and feelings. They will ask if something hurts. They will kiss a bruise to make it better. They will say, “That’s all right,” as they pat you.

• Children are creative when given ideas, props, time, space and freedom from criticism. They do not have to “think outside the box,” because they have no box unless we place them into one.

• Children understand more, earlier than most adults ever give them credit for. I hear adults talk to children using language well below their comprehension levels. If you speak to children directly, in a normal voice, they will surprise you with their understanding and comprehension. Our 6-year-old grandson just helped his mother pick out a new vacuum cleaner. He gave her his reasons to buy a particular model over another. His mother consulted a popular consumer magazine for guidance in selecting the new cleaner. The magazine suggested the model her son had picked, and for the same reasons.

• Children can sense joy and safety. They can also sense deception and fear. Linguists suggest that less than 10 percent of all communication is verbal. The other 90 percent comes from body language, facial expressions, and body relaxation or tension. Children pick up cues from many sources.

• Children can and will love others unconditionally. Given a safe, understanding, supportive and encouraging environment, children will respond positively without prompting.

• Children have potential that requires regular guidance and direction to develop fully. This is not a contradiction to previous statements. This is not a suggestion to control, dominate or micromanage. It is a call for vigilant monitoring and adjusting, based on behavior patterns and tendencies. Be careful with what your children see and hear. Yes, they do understand and learn from what you expose them to. Make sure it is a positive learning.

Now look at those observations again. Replace the word children with adults. Why do we suddenly think the situation is different? Habits, conditionings and expectations can explain parts of it. I think the major part is we quit believing in ourselves and others. We quit thinking it is possible for us to be creative or caring. Look at yourself and your opinions again. You are probably, much better than you believe. So are those with whom you associate. Watch children for a day, and then apply what you learn to yourself. I think you’ll be a better person if you do.

Tim O’Brien writes continuing-education courses and presents seminars on stress management. His e-mail address is: [email protected]. He also has a Web site at www.hyperstress.com.